Shattered Wings
by AmunRa
Summary: Hitsugaya is kidnapped from his quarters in the middle of the night. Matsumoto finds him six months later, but he's not the person he used to be. While Matsumoto struggles to figure out what happened to him during the time he was gone, Hitsugaya struggles to put the pieces of his life back together.
1. Found

Greetings! Here is the new story. This one is a little big longer, much darker, and a lot more violent. I hope it doesn't turn anyone away.

Disclaimer: the characters are not mine. They belong to someone much more talented than I… I'm just borrowing them for the moment.

Warnings: violence, swearing (assume this warning from now on).

I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine. If you find a particularly atrocious one, please let me know. I'm always looking to improve my writing. Enjoy!

Posted 5/14/14

* * *

**Chapter 1: Found**

After six months of desperately searching every corner of Soul Society for her captain, Matsumoto Rangiku found him where she had first met him: at the candy shop in Junrinan he'd frequented as a child.

The proprietor wasn't insulting him this time. Hitsugaya wasn't even a paying customer. Instead, the young captain was huddled against some empty crates behind the shop; the orange-scented wood his only protection against the biting wind. He had curled in on himself with his head resting on his raised knees, his face turned away from Matsumoto. His hair, which six months ago had been as white as snow, was dirty, disheveled, and much longer than it had been. His uniform, usually pristine and spotless, was anything but. A dirty, ragged blanket had replaced the white haori that identified him as a captain and the black hakama, what she could see of it at least, was in shreds. He was barefoot, his feet dirty and bleeding in places.

"Hitsugaya-taichou?" she asked as she approached him.

Matsumoto had come to Junrinan to once again speak to the elderly woman that had raised her captain and Hinamori-fukutaichou. The woman hadn't provided any more information and, dejected, Matsumoto had quickly left. She'd intended to go straight back to Seireitei, but something had nagged at her to stop and take a look around when she'd walked by the old candy shop. She was glad that she had.

"Hitsugaya-taichou?" Matsumoto said again, "it's me, Matsumoto."

Hitsugaya didn't react. She couldn't feel his reiatsu and couldn't tell if he was breathing. The thought of the young man having passed on froze Matsumoto on the spot. She hadn't spent the last six months searching for him only to have it end in his death. As she got within touching distance, she could see that he was shivering. Relief flooded through her at the sight. Emboldened, she reached out to touch his shoulder. Before her hand made contact, however, he moved. His arm knocked hers to the side and he pushed her away as he rose to his feet. He swayed, and Matsumoto knew that she could easily overpower him if she so desired.

"I'm not going to hurt you," she said softly.

He looked at her, his eyes hazy and dull, and the thought that Hitsugaya may be under the influence of something crossed Matsumoto's mind. He saw her, but she wasn't sure that he knew who she was. He took a step backwards and bumped into the crates he'd been leaning against. She jumped at the sound of the top crate falling and shattering on the floor beside him. Hitsugaya looked around wildly as if expecting someone to come charging at them at any moment.

Matsumoto had never considered her captain a child. He'd never given her a reason to. He'd always been strong, decisive, and calm. Right now, however, he looked like any other homeless teenager she was likely to find in the seedier districts of Rukongai. Hitsugaya stood, swaying, his hand on the wall for support. His eyes darted to and from, the pupils dilated and the color dull like the sea in the middle of a heavy storm. His hair hung lifeless to his shoulders, and the hand that was clutching the brown cape was thin, the fingers long and bony. His face was bruised, a cut above his right eyebrow still bleeding. He looked so lost, and Matsumoto wondered what he'd been through since his disappearance to get him to this state.

"Hitsugaya-taichou, can you hear me?" Matsumoto tried again.

His eyes met hers, narrowing as he studied her. She could almost see the wheels turning in his head, sizing her up, trying to figure out whether she was friend or foe. She closed the space between them until she was crouching in front of him, her eyes level with his. He flinched but didn't move away. Slowly, painfully, he raised his hand to her face. As he did so, the blanket he'd been holding around his shoulders fell to the ground, revealing an equally shredded and bloodstained kosode. His hand touched her cheek and she gasped at how clammy it was. His eyes widened when his hand came into contact with her face, as if he'd expected her to be an illusion. He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. She laid her hand over his and gave him as reassuring a smile as she could.

"I'm going to take you home," she said.

His head moved ever so slightly in what could have been a nod. His eyes closed and he collapsed, and only her hand holding his to her face kept him from hitting the ground. Matsumoto stood, picking him up as she did so. She was surprised at how light he was. His ribs were visible on his bruised chest and his shoulders dug into her arm where she held him. She had to get him to Unohana-taichou as soon as possible.

* * *

The trip to Soul Society seemed to take forever. Matsumoto couldn't shunpo fast enough; every time she looked down she feared that she wouldn't see Hitsugaya's chest moving anymore. He hadn't stirred since he collapsed, but she could feel his reiatsu now. It was weak and didn't feel like it normally did, but it was there.

"Matsumoto-fukutaichou!"

She heard several people call her name, no doubt seeing her when she momentarily stepped out of shunpo in the middle of the city. She didn't dare stop until she'd reached the 4th division.

"Get Unohana-taichou!" Matsumoto yelled to the first squad members the saw. They looked at her as if she'd lost her mind, until they recognized the young man in her arms. They sprung into action immediately: one ushered her to one of the examination rooms while the other told her she'd get Unohana-taichou.

"Lay him down here, Matsumoto-fukutaichou," Hanataro told her as he rushed into the room. "Unohana-taichou has been summoned."

"She's not here?"

"No, but she's on her way," Hanataro said. "Please lay Hitsugaya-taichou down on the bed, Matsumoto-fukutaichou," he repeated.

Matsumoto laid Hitsugaya down on the bed, the many bruises and new scars on his body looking much worse in the light of the examination room.

"Please step outside, Matsumoto-fukutaichou," Hanataro said as he got to work with a healing kidou.

Matsumoto wanted to argue, but didn't want to get in the way. She glanced at her captain one more time and saw his eyes snap open. Fear washed over his features when he noticed Hanataro and, once he realized that he wasn't being restrained, Hitsugaya pushed the healer away. Hanataro tripped over his own feet and ended up on the floor. Hitsugaya was halfway out of the bed when Matsumoto snapped out of her shock. She moved to the bed and put her hands on his shoulders. Hitsugaya tried to push her away.

"Let go of me!" he yelled, his voice raspy and rough. "Get away!"

He pushed at Matsumoto and hit her arms, but was too weak to actually break away. His eyes were full of fear and desperation that she'd never seen in the normally stoic captain.

"We want to help," Matsumoto said and tried to push him back down.

"NO!"

The emotions behind the word caught Matsumoto off-guard and her grip faltered. Hitsugaya used that weakness to pull out of her grasp. He got to his feet and made a dash for the door, his injured feet leaving bloody footprints on the pristine tile of the examination room. He had just made it to the door when Unohana-taichou arrived. Hitsugaya paused when he saw her, and Hanataro used the opportunity to knock him out with a kidou. Hanataro and Unohana got Hitsugaya back on the bed and went to work on him again.

"Matsumoto-fukutaichou, we'll let you know when we're through. Please close the door on your way out."

Matsumoto, still shaken from the encounter with her captain, did as she was told. She stood in the hallway and stared at the closed door. Hitsugaya was one of the most calm and controlled individuals that she'd ever met. He rarely lost his composure and he never let others see his emotions. Seeing him so emotional had caught her completely off guard. He was frightened and didn't seem to recognize where he was. Why?

* * *

"You found him where?"

Matsumoto cringed at the tone of disbelief in Ukitake's voice. She turned towards him and would have given him a dirty look had she not remembered that right now he was her superior, not her friend.

"Junrinan," Matsumoto said. "Hitsugaya-taichou was practically outside our gate."

She'd been in Ukitake's office for the better part of three hours going over everything that had happened since she'd found Hitsugaya. As the captain in charge of the investigation on Hitsugaya's disappearance, Ukitake had been the first to get her report. As Matsumoto's friend, Ukitake knew exactly what the last six months had done to her and he knew, more than anyone, what finding her captain alive meant to her.

"I know this is hard, Rangiku," Ukitake said. "I'm sure you want to rush off to the 4th right now to pester Unohana for information, but we need some answers and you're the only one that seems to have some at the moment."

Matsumoto started pacing, deliberately avoiding Ukitake's kind eyes. She didn't know what to think, didn't know how she felt, and didn't want to stop and have to think about the fact that her captain had been very near death when she'd found him. She didn't want to think about what could have happened had she not found him or what could still very well happen.

"How did we miss him?" Ukitake's voice drew Matsumoto back from her jumbled thoughts. "Even without strong reiatsu, one of our patrols should have seen him."

"Not if he didn't want to be seen," Matsumoto said.

"Why hide from his fellow shinigami?" Ukitake asked.

Matsumoto didn't have an answer for that question either. In fact, she had many more questions. Why hadn't Hitsugaya gone to his grandmother's house? It was right around the corner from where she'd found him. Why hadn't he taken refuge with someone who he knew he'd be safe with?

"I don't know," Matsumoto finally said, her voice almost a whisper. "We won't know until he wakes up."

"Six months is a long time," Ukitake said. "A lot of things could have happened and we don't even know who had him."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Matsumoto asked, her voice rising. "You think he's some Trojan horse sent here by whoever kidnapped him because they knew we wouldn't turn him away?"

"You've been a soldier long enough to know it's a very real possibility," Ukitake said, his voice rising to match hers. "I care about him too, Rangiku, but we have to be careful. Someone took Hitsugaya from his very own division without anyone seeing or hearing anything. It wasn't a random act and, in six months, we're not any closer to figuring out what happened."

Guilt bubbled up to the surface when Matsumoto thought back to that night when Hitsugaya was taken. She'd felt his reiatsu flare in distress from her own quarters, but by the time she'd gotten to his quarters he'd been gone. His kidnapper had left behind Hitsugaya's bloodstained haori pinned to one wall, but other than Hitsugaya's blood amid the destroyed quarters, they'd found nothing.

She'd been so lost in thoughts of that night that she hadn't seen Ukitake get close to her. She jumped when she felt his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry," he said.

This time Matsumoto did meet his eyes. She tried to smile reassuringly at him, but it came out as a grimace. "You're right," she finally said. "I just hate to think that…" she trailed off, unable to give words to her morose thoughts.

After a few moments of silence, Ukitake summoned his third seats, Kotetsu Kiyone and Kotsubaki Sentarou, and quickly gave them their orders.

"Form a patrol unit with soldiers from our division and the 11th. Have them go to where Matsumoto-fukutaichou found Hitsugaya-taichou and look around. See if you can find traces of where Hitsugaya-taichou may have come from and report immediately back to me."

"Yes sir!" both subordinates replied and took off to do what they'd been assigned to do.

"I need to go report this to Yamamoto-soutaichou," Ukitake said. "Rangiku, you go to the 4th and see how your captain is doing. I'll send two guards to stand outside Hitsugaya's room."

Ukitake put up a hand to stall the argument that was already forming in Matsumoto's mind.

"The guards are for both his safety and ours," he said. "I'll join you when I can."

Matsumoto nodded and, with a respectful nod at her superior, took off for the medical division. She didn't have to look very hard to find Unohana-taichou once she'd made it there. Unohana was nothing if not thorough, which in this case probably included having her staff be on the lookout for Matsumoto.

"How is he?" Matsumoto asked as soon as she spotted the healer.

Unohana met Matsumoto's eyes, and she could see weariness there. Unohana didn't respond right away. Instead, she led Matsumoto through the maze of her domain until they were standing in one of the more isolated corridors. Three doors down from where the women stood, two soldiers from the 13th division were already standing guard.

"Hitsugaya-taichou is very weak," Unohana said, her voice soft so that it wouldn't carry. "His reiatsu is badly depleted; he's severely dehydrated and malnourished. Whoever was holding him prisoner did not bother to provide enough food or water to properly sustain him. There is also evidence of broken bones and lacerations that have been healed, and there were traces of drugs in his system. I've taken some samples and will need some time to examine them."

"Torture…" Matsumoto whispered, "and drugs to keep him incapacitated?"

"It's possible," Unohana said. "It takes a lot to restrain a captain-class shinigami."

Matsumoto's hands clenched at the thought, and she could see a similar sentiment in her fellow shinigami's face.

"Is he going to be okay?" Matsumoto asked.

"With rest, some nutritional supplements, and some additional sessions with the healers, his body should be fine. I don't know about his reiatsu, however. He's always had such an incredible amount of it, but it's almost non-existent now. You didn't happen to find Hyourinmaru where you found Hitsugaya-taichou, did you?"

"Unfortunately, no," Matsumoto replied.

Her hand unconsciously went to her belt, on which the star-shaped pin that had held Hitsugaya's sash together was carefully incorporated into the bow. It had been the only thing left after that night and it had served to remind Matsumoto of what she had lost.

"Then we'll have to wait and see when he wakes up."

Matsumoto nodded, and then remembered the conversation he'd just had with Ukitake.

"Hitsugaya-taichou's feet were pretty cut up when I found him. Ukitake-taichou and I think that he may have been walking barefoot for a while. Are his injuries consistent with that theory?"

Unohana thought about it for a moment before she nodded. "Yes, I would say so. He had a lot of fresh wounds on his feet but also a lot of old, healed wounds. My guess is that he's been barefoot for almost the entire time he's been missing."

Matsumoto's jaw clenched. "Makes it harder to run, doesn't it?" she asked, not really expecting an answer. "I want to see him," Matsumoto said.

"I'm afraid not, Matsumoto-fukutaichou," Unohana said, her voice going from gentle to stern in a heartbeat. "My healers are still working on him. Besides," the captain added, her tone gentler, "I think you need some rest, too."

Matsumoto opened her mouth to argue, but the look on Unohana's face left no room for argument.

"I'll let you know as soon as he's awake."

Matsumoto nodded. "Please do," she said and quickly left the 4th division.

* * *

_6 months earlier_

_Matsumoto had just emptied her last sake bottle and had settled into her couch for a sake-infused slumber when she felt her captain's reiatsu spike. The nice cloud of tipsiness she'd acquired was immediately wiped away as adrenaline rushed through her body. She got up, reached for Haineko, and left her own quarters. By the time she was halfway to Hitsugaya's quarters, his reiatsu vanished. She ran faster, squeezing every bit of speed she could out of her shunpo. When she reached the door of Hitsugaya's quarters, she didn't bother to knock. Instead, she used Haineko to force the door open. She'd apologize to Hitsugaya later if it meant that she could get to him in time. _

_What she found as she stepped inside froze her on the spot. The living area was unrecognizable. One wall was a charred mess that was barely standing. Pieces of the mirror that had once hung there were scattered on the floor, reflecting the damage like a demented funhouse. Paper littered the floor, and it took Matsumoto a bit to realize that the paper was what remained of Hitsugaya's books. Hitsugaya's haori had been pinned to one of the walls by a short sword, the bloody back left exposed for all to see. _

_Horror washed through Matsumoto at the sight. She made her way towards Hyourinmaru's stand, where most of the blood was concentrated. There was a lot of it, and it was still fresh. Matsumoto had seen plenty of blood in her time as a member of the 10__th__ division, but this was different. This was her captain's blood staining his living room floor. Hyourinmaru wasn't there and neither was her captain. _

_Footsteps outside of the room drew Matsumoto's attention and she turned to see the division's third seat, Tanaka Ryota, and the fourth seat, Takahashi Eiji, looking every bit as disheveled and surprised as she felt. _

"_Matsumoto-fukutaichou, what happened?" Tanaka asked. "We felt the captain's reiatsu and then there was an explosion."_

_He fell silent as he took in the room around them. "Who could have done this?"_

_Excellent question, Matsumoto thought. Not just anyone kidnaps a captain from his own quarters._

"_Tanaka, Takahashi, organize the rest of the division into search parties and search for Hitsugaya-taichou. Start within the division and then make your way out."_

_Matsumoto could feel her squad mates up and moving around their division, no doubt alerted by the very same thing that had alerted her. Hitsugaya-taichou was well liked and respected by his division, and she had no doubt that they would search until they found him. _

"_Takahashi, inform Ukitake-taichou of what's happened and have him come here. I want to stay here and see if I can find any clues." _

"_Yes, Ma'am," they said in unison as they disappeared from the room. _

_Matsumoto turned back to the remains of her captain's living area, her throat constricting at the sight of the bloody haori pinned to the wall. Hitsugaya had fought back, and she would not entertain the thought that his vanishing reiatsu meant that he was dead. Why take a dead man? It would be more demoralizing to those left behind if Hitsugaya's dead body had been left for all to see and wonder who'd killed one of their strongest captains. No, someone had come here specifically with the task of subduing Hitsugaya and then taking him somewhere else. They just had to find where that was and fast. _

"_I couldn't believe it when I heard," Ukitake's soft voice from behind Matsumoto pulled her from her spinning thoughts. _

_The 13__th__ division captain walked into the room and took in the destruction. The crunch of glass was the only sound in the room as Ukitake made his way around the living area before coming to a stop beside Matsumoto. _

"_A shinigami captain taken by surprise in his quarters in the middle of the night and subdued before anyone can reach him. There aren't many people capable of doing that."_

"_I know," Matsumoto said. "I can think of only a handful of captains that could have surprised and subdued Hitsugaya-taichou as quickly as they did."_

"_I can think of a couple of former captains that could do the same."_

_Ukitake's words were like ice water down Matsumoto's body. An image of her old friend Ichimaru Gin passed through her mind and she couldn't immediately stop the thought that Ichimaru couldn't have done such a thing. _

"_Hitsugaya's quarters are at the back of the division's compound, where they can be protected and not easily found," Ukitake continued. "That's not the case in every division, as each layout is different. How many people outside of the Gotei 13 would know where to find the captains quarters?"_

_Matsumoto thought about it and the sick feeling in her stomach intensified as the truth of Ukitake's words sank in. _

"_Hitsugaya-kun is one of the most hyper aware shinigami that I've ever known," Ukitake continued. "He's always on alert and his reaction time is second to none. Whoever attacked him hid his reiatsu until he attacked, was able to subdue Hitsugaya quickly and completely, and was then able to leave the scene before any of you could show up. How many people do you think could pull that off, Rangiku?"_

_The thought of one individual in particular came to mind, but the name that was no doubt on both of their minds remained unspoken. _

"_We need to find Hitsugaya-taichou and we need to find him fast," Matsumoto said. "If we don't, the next time we see him he may very well be dead."_

It was late by the time Matsumoto made it back to the 10th division; most of her division members should be either asleep or retired to their quarters by now. She had no doubt that news of their captain's return would spread like wildfire in the morning, but for now Matsumoto was glad that there was no one around to stop her and ask questions.

Once she got to her room she went immediately to her sake stash. She grabbed a bottle, her favorite cup, and settled in her living area for a long night of drinking. Once she'd poured the first cup, however, she found herself starting at the liquid rather than drinking it. After a while, she sighed in defeat and put the cup down, sake untouched. She'd been here, asleep on this very same couch, six months ago when Hitsugaya had been taken. She could still remember being woken up by the strong wave of his reiatsu that had flooded over her and everyone else in their division. She'd run to his quarters to find the place in shambles, but there had been no sign of her captain or his zanpakutou. She'd spent every day after that searching, hoping, and waiting. Failure hadn't been an option for her, even when others in the Gotei 13 had wanted her to give up.

Matsumoto left the comfort of the couch to kneel in front of her sword stand where Haineko waited for the next time she was needed. Beside the stand, Matsumoto picked up the white square of fabric and shook it out. Her eyes were drawn to her division's insignia, black on white cloth, the ripped fabric, and the dried blood that coated it. The haori looked small in her hands, but the stature of the person who had worn it by no means indicated that he was weak. The ruined cloth had served as a reminder that she would find her captain and bring him home.

Now that she had brought him home, Matsumoto knew that their problems weren't over. They were just beginning. She had faith that whatever was broken in Hitsugaya they could fix. The only important thing right now was that Hitsugaya Toushirou was finally home.

* * *

So, is it worth continuing?


	2. Somebody I Used to Know

Greetings! I was pleasantly surprised by the response the first chapter got. I was motivated to write, so here is the next one. This is definitely going to be an angsty mystery (if there is such a thing), so I hope you'll stick around for the journey. This story takes place somewhere in the middle of the series. The 3 captains have already betrayed Soul Society, but the battle of Karakura hasn't happened yet.

No warnings in this chapter.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 2: Somebody I Used to Know**

"_You have so much power, Hitsugaya-kun… this wouldn't have worked with anyone but you."_

"_Why are you doing this?"_

_An evil chuckle_

"_Because I can."_

* * *

Hitsugaya woke up with a start.

His heart was pounding and he was breathing in short gasps. He forced himself to take deeper breaths and noticed that his chest no longer hurt. He took stock of the rest of his body, surprised when he felt little pain. There was some discomfort, especially on his feet, but it was not the breath-stealing pain he'd become accustomed to living with. He was warm and lying on something soft, which set the alarms off in his head. He looked around the room expecting to see the white walls of the laboratory, but instead found pastel-colored walls. There was no equipment in the room, just the bed he lay on and two chairs. The light was dimmed so that it wasn't intrusive but still provided illumination. The room even had a window, which Hitsugaya hadn't seen in a long time. He was alone in the room and he wasn't being restrained.

Curious at this new development, Hitsugaya pushed the covers back and slowly got to a sitting position on the bed. He was no longer dressed in his torn and dirty clothing. Instead, he was wearing a white yukata. It was soft, clean, and smelled like lavender. His hands were wrapped in bandages, as were his feet, and there were some bandages around his head. His hair had been washed and combed so that it fell around his shoulders. He felt good for the first time in a long while and wondered what price he'd have to pay for what he'd been given. There was always a price, after all.

Hitsugaya swung his bandaged feet over the side of the bed and made it to a standing position before dizziness struck. He clung to the bed and rode it out, grateful when he didn't end up on the floor. Once he was sure that the dizziness wasn't going to strike again, he took a couple of tentative steps toward the window. The coolness of the floor seeped into his feet and up his bare legs, making him feel exposed. The feeling was forgotten, however, when he pulled the curtains aside and saw the garden on the other side of the window. It was bathed in moonlight, and it was the most beautiful thing he'd seen in a while.

Footsteps and soft voices coming from outside of the room alerted him to someone's approach and he momentarily panicked. He considered hiding, but before he could decide on a hiding spot the door opened and a female entered. She was tall, voluptuous, and had beautiful, strawberry blonde hair. Her blue eyes widened when she noticed him by the window, and she stood there for a moment, staring at him. When she snapped out of it she grinned and was by his side so fast that Hitsugaya barely saw her move.

"You're awake!" she said as she wrapped her arms around him. "I was so worried about you."

The warmth of her body enveloped Hitsugaya and, for a moment, he let himself sink into it. When reality crashed in around him, however, he grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away.

"Don't touch me," he said, his back flat against the wall he'd been leaning against. He held his arms out in front of him but he didn't think they'd be much good if she tried to come at him again.

"I'm so sorry, Hitsugaya-taichou," the woman said. "I know how you get when people touch you, but I'm just so glad to see you awake and alert."

"Hitsugaya-taichou?" Hitsugaya asked, "I'm not a captain. I think you have me confused with someone else."

* * *

Matsumoto's stomach twisted when she heard her captain's statement, and she put aside the relief that she felt at having him back with them for the moment and examined him with a soldier's eye. He was much too thin and stood glued to the wall as if it were the only thing keeping him upright. He stared at her as if he expected her to attack him. Hitsugaya had always been aloof, his emotions in check and vulnerabilities hidden where only he could find them, but the person standing in front of her now was not hiding anything. Matsumoto could clearly see the fear in his eyes. When she didn't make a move and he realized that she wasn't going to hurt him, the fear turned to curiosity.

"I'm sorry I'm not who you thought I was," he said, his voice hoarse and soft. "If you give me back my clothes, I'll leave."

There was something about the sadness in his voice that brought tears to Matsumoto's eyes. She watched him slowly make his way back to the bed, his steps wobbly and halting. He sat with his bandaged feet dangling off the side of the bed, looking much like the child he hated people to think he was. He laid his hands on his lap and lowered his head so that his hair covered his too expressive face. His posture was nonthreatening, almost submissive. Anger replaced the sadness in Matsumoto's heart. What the hell had been done to her captain?

"You don't have to leave," Matsumoto said as she stepped closer to the bed. She pulled one of the chairs toward her and sat beside the bed, close enough to touch him or let him touch her if he wanted. "This room is yours for as long as you need it to recover."

They were both silent for a few minutes while Matsumoto tried to remember what she'd been taught about people suffering from memory loss. Was it good or bad to tell them that there were things they couldn't remember?

"Who are you?" Hitsugaya asked. He was looking at her with interest, and she was glad to see that the fear he'd shown earlier was almost all gone.

"I'm Matsumoto Rangiku," she said. "What's your name?" she asked in return. Might as well know the extent of the damage now.

"It's Hitsugaya," he said.

She quirked an eyebrow at him. "No given name?"

He shook his head. "I don't remember what it is."

"It's Toushirou. Hitsugaya Toushirou," she said.

Hitsugaya looked at her, surprised. "You know me?" he asked.

"Of course I know you," she said with a smile, "you're pretty hard to forget."

Matsumoto could tell that he had many questions he wanted to ask, but didn't know where to start. She'd have given up sake for the rest of her life to be privy to the thoughts going on in Hitsugaya's head at that moment. Alas, mind reading wasn't part of the academy's curriculum and all she could do was watch as Hitsugaya debated with himself about how to proceed.

"Where are we?" he asked as he looked around the room. "How did I get here?"

"You're in one of the 4th division healing rooms in Seireitei. Unohana-taichou and her staff have been taking care of you ever since we found you and brought you back."

"Isn't Seireitei the shinigami city?" Hitsugaya asked. "I thought only shinigami were allowed in here."

"You _are_ a shinigami," Matsumoto said. "You're a shinigami that's been missing for six months."

Something flickered across Hitsugaya's eyes at that revelation and his expression hardened just a bit. He shuddered, and his right hand moved to his the crook of his left elbow and rubbed it. He got a faraway look in his eyes, as if seeing someplace other than where they were now.

"Do you remember what happened during the past six months?" Matsumoto asked.

Hitsugaya didn't answer for a long time. His breathing quickened and he would shudder every once in a while.

"Toushirou?" she prodded, using her captain's given name for the first time since he'd been promoted to captain. Whoever held him prisoner had addressed him by his family name, which is probably why he hadn't forgotten it when he'd forgotten everything else. Matsumoto hoped that addressing him by a different name would keep his mind from making the association to his captors.

"Most of it is a blur," he finally said, barely loud enough for Matsumoto to hear. "I don't even remember escaping. I just remember being in the forest and knowing that I needed to get as far away from there as I could. I didn't know where to go."

"I think your subconscious mind did remember," Matsumoto said. "I found you pretty close to your childhood home."

"There weren't many people where I was, just some thugs and him," Hitsugaya continued.

"Who? Someone you recognized?" Matsumoto asked, her own heart pounding in anticipation.

Hitsugaya shook his head. "No one I recognized, but he was there every time I was in the laboratory."

"What were you doing in a laboratory?"

"I don't know," he said, his eyes closing as if he could shut away the horrors in his mind. "All I remember is burning and pain and a man who always laughed and said that he was torturing me because he could."

Matsumoto reached out and gently took a hold of Hitsugaya's left hand. He pulled it back, but she refused to let go. Instead she put her other hand over it and looked up at his tired and drawn face.

"You're safe," she said. "I won't let anything else happen to you, okay?"

He nodded, but she could tell that he didn't believe her. She didn't blame him. She was a complete stranger as far as he was concerned. She released his hand and got up.

"I need to go talk to Unohana-taichou and you need to rest. I'll be back tomorrow."

She was halfway to the door when his voice stopped her.

"You said I was missing for six months, right? How did I disappear?"

The blood drained from Matsumoto's face and, when she turned to face him again, she bowed.

"You were kidnapped because I wasn't fast enough to get to you when you needed me," she said. "My deepest apologies for that, Hitsugaya-taichou. It will never happen again."

Without waiting for his response, she left the room, barely acknowledging the guards posted outside. It wasn't until she was out of earshot of the guards and safely hidden in a dark corner of the corridor that she stopped, covered her face with her hands, and wept.

* * *

By the time Matsumoto gave her report on Hitsugaya's condition and left Ukitake's office, she was exhausted. He'd told her he would report the situation to Yamamoto-soutaichou and that she should go back to her quarters to rest. She'd wanted to go back to talk to Hitsugaya, but decided against it. Ukitake agreed with her approach to the situation and told her to answer Hitsugaya's questions truthfully, at least until he was told otherwise by Yamamoto. Matsumoto feared that Yamamoto would think Hitsugaya was a threat and have him put in one of the cells. The last thing Hitsugaya needed was to be held prisoner again.

She reached the division to find that a good portion of the squad was waiting for her in the courtyard. They should have all retied for the night by now, but it was obvious that they had been waiting for her to return.

"Matsumoto-fukutaichou, is it true?" fourth seat Takahashi asked. "You found Hitsugaya-taichou?"

She'd known the rumors would get around but had hoped that she'd have a little more time to figure out what to say to them about the situation.

"Yes, it's true," she said, and she could feel the relief flow through the men and women standing before her. "Two days ago, while out on patrol, I found him in Junrinan. He was injured and has been under Unohana-taichou's care ever since."

"How badly is he injured?" Tanaka, the third seat asked. "Where has he been this whole time?

Matsumoto thought about how much she should tell them. They deserved the truth because Hitsugaya was their captain and they cared about his well-being, but at the same time she didn't want to say anything that would diminish that sentiment in their minds or cause them to question Hitsugaya's position as their captain.

"He's suffering from memory loss," Matsumoto finally said. "He doesn't remember where he's been. He also doesn't remember who he is or that he was once a shinigami of the Gotei 13."

Surprised murmurs spread from the front all the way to the back and phrases like "damaged", "not himself", and "is he still our captain?" made their way to Matsumoto's ears. The shinigami around her looked worried, some were worried for themselves and the sudden shift in their division for the second time in half a year, and some of them were worried for their captain. Matsumoto sighed and ran her hands through her hair in a nervous gesture that she rarely displayed.

"Look, I know that you're all concerned over what's happened and the changes we've all had to make because of it," she said, meeting the eyes of each and every one of the people standing in the courtyard. "I'm concerned, too. I'd be lying if I told you not to worry and that everything is going to be fine. The fact is that we don't know that for sure, but it's still too early to tell. Hitsugaya-taichou is alive and well, albeit a bit not himself at the moment. We owe it to him to find out what happened and we owe it to him to give the situation a little time before we pass judgment. He wouldn't give up on you, would he?"

Tanaka and Takahashi nodded in agreement, and that sentiment seem to spread amongst the crowd. There were still a couple of shinigami that looked concerned and unhappy, but that was to be expected. Every division had its naysayers.

"It's late and we all need to be up to perform our duties tomorrow morning. Dismissed!"

With that, the shinigami scattered, leaving her standing alone in the darkened courtyard of the 10th division headquarters.

"Nice speech."

Surprised, she turned to see Renji and Rukia standing by the door that led out of the division headquarters.

"I hope they believed me," Matsumoto said. "I can't lie to them, even if it's not what they want to hear."

"You did the right thing," Renji assured her. "In the end, the truth is what counts."

"Why don't we go to my quarters where we can talk?" she said and led her friends through the division until they were seated in her quarters, each holding a cup of sake.

"So how bad is it, Rangiku?" Renji asked. "Does Hitsugaya-taichou really not remember anything?"

Matsumoto studied her visitors. "I don't have to remind you that everything that is said here stays here, and you know I mean business," she said.

Renji and Rukia both nodded. "Of course. We're here as friends, not fellow officers."

Matsumoto took a long swallow of her sake, letting the bitter liquid slide down her throat and warm her stomach.

"I can't imagine what it's like to only remember my life filled with pain, torture, and experiments," Matsumoto finally said. "He's confused and he's scared and he has no idea who we are or what we want from him."

"Experiments?" Rukia asked, her voice showing her horror at the thought. "He said he was experimented on?"

Matsumoto shook her head. "Not in so many words, he just said that he remembered being in a lab and being in pain. I don't think it could be anything else."

Renji refilled his cup and Matsumoto's before he spoke. "You know there aren't many people who could have come in here and kidnapped a shinigami captain, and fewer still who like to conduct experiments."

Matsumoto took a sip of sake but it was bitter and almost choked her when she thought of what Renji was implying. It wasn't like she hadn't thought that very same thing already.

"Aizen," she said, her voice dripping with venom. "It's a theory Ukitake-taichou has been operating under for a while," Matsumoto added.

"Did Unohana-taichou find anything when she examined Hitsugaya-taichou?" Rukia asked.

"Nothing specific, just the telltale signs of physical abuse, malnutrition and weak reiatsu."

"I wouldn't even know what to start looking for," Renji said. "Aizen is a master at not only physical manipulation but manipulation of the soul. He could have done anything."

"Hitsugaya-taichou is the only one that can tell us what was done to him," Rukia added.

Matsumoto put down her sake cup, not in the mood to drink anymore. "Yes, but how do we get him to remember?"

* * *

_How can I be a shinigami captain if I hadn't been able to help myself?_

The thought had been running through Hitsugaya's mind ever since the blonde woman had left. He'd not been able to go to sleep, so he'd dragged one of the chairs over to the window and had settled into it with the blanket from the bed wrapped around his shoulders. The garden looked peaceful, and he wondered if he'd be allowed outside.

He hadn't been entirely truthful to Matsumoto when he'd said that his memories were a blur. He remembered the cave and the two men that had kept him there clearly enough. They hadn't liked shinigami very much and had made sure that he knew it. Hitsugaya raised his left hand and looked at the slightly crooked middle finger. The more malicious of the two had broken it one of the times he'd tried to escape. Hitsugaya had been dragged back into the darkness of the cave after that attempt, shackled to the floor, and beaten. He'd been powerless to defend himself, and he'd been powerless against the man in the laboratory, too. If he was a shinigami captain, shouldn't he have been able to defend himself? Why hadn't he been able to get out of that situation?

The thoughts circled around in his head until Hitsugaya thought it was going to explode. He couldn't reconcile his memories with what the Matsumoto had told him, but everyone here had treated him with nothing but respect and care. The healers came in every once in a while to make sure that he was comfortable, they gave him food, which he didn't really eat, and made sure that he wasn't in pain. He'd sensed no ill will from anyone; if anything, he'd sensed relief and concern instead. They wanted him to be here.

The door to the room opened and the tall healer, Kotetsu, came in.

"Hitsugaya-taichou, you're still awake. Is there something wrong? Why aren't you in bed?"

"I wanted to look outside," he replied, "and I couldn't sleep."

"Are you in pain? I can give you some medication if that's the case. It will help you sleep."

"I'm not in pain," he said. "I just…" he trailed off. He didn't feel comfortable talking to Kotetsu, not like he'd felt with Matsumoto. "Can I go outside?"

Kotetsu looked surprised at the request. She thought about it for a moment and then shrugged. "I don't see why not. It's a bit chilly, so if you bring the blanket you should be fine."

She grabbed the slippers beside the bed and brought them over to him. Once he had the slippers on and the blanket wrapped around him, she led the way out of the room. Two shinigami had been standing outside of the room, and they both followed.

"You have guards posted for me?" Hitsugaya asked, glancing back at the two well-muscled men with swords.

"Ukitake-taichou's orders," the woman said. "Don't worry, they're for your protection," she added.

Hitsugaya wasn't sure he believed her, but let it drop. He was in a very quiet and isolated corridor, and the two rooms they passed were empty. Kotetsu slid open the door to the outside courtyard and then led him around the building to the garden he'd been looking at from his room. The breeze ruffled his hair, and Hitsugaya turned his head up towards the sky, eyes closed, relishing the smell of grass and flowers. He hadn't been outside in a very long time.

"There are some benches by the pond if you want to sit down," Kotetsu said.

Hitsugaya opened his eyes and looked in the direction she was pointing. He hadn't been able to see the pond from his room, and the sound of fish swimming in the water drew his attention.

"That would be great," he said. "Do you mind if I stay out here for a little bit? You don't have to stay with me."

She thought about it for a moment. "I do have to go and see to a couple of other patients. If you need anything, the two gentlemen over there will come get me. They can take you back to your room when you're ready to go back inside."

Hitsugaya glanced at the two guards that stood by the side of the building. They looked back at him, alert but non-threatening.

"Thank you," he said.

"My pleasure, Hitsugaya-taichou. Don't stay out too long."

Hitsugaya picked the bench furthest from the building, and the guards. He put his feet on the bench and wrapped the blanket around his folded legs. He was cold, but it was wonderful to feel the breeze on his face and hands once again. He was going to stay out here until they made him go back inside. He had a lot to think about… a life to piece back together. There was a part of him that wondered if he really wanted to know. What if he didn't like what he found?

* * *

So there you have it... a little more about Hitsugaya. Memory loss has always fascinated me because, if the sum total of your memories and experiences makes you who you are, who do you become when all of that is lost? Something to think about. Don't forget to review!


	3. Dead Ends

Greetings! Here is the next installment.

Warnings: language

* * *

**Chapter 3: Dead Ends**

Ukitake Juushirou left the 4th division and headed to the 1st division to report to Yamamoto-soutaichou. He'd stopped by to see Hitsugaya for himself, and he still couldn't completely make sense of what he'd seen. Hitsugaya had been polite and had answered most of the questions Ukitake had posed. He hadn't been able to answer everything, but Ukitake hadn't gotten a sense that Hitsugaya was trying to deceive him. If anything, Hitsugaya was being very helpful, as if he expected a wrong answer to be punished. Ukitake had tried to reassure him that was not the case, but the reassurance hadn't put the young man at ease.

Ukitake hadn't been prepared to see the physical toll the six-month imprisonment had taken on the young captain. Even after several days of recuperating in the care of Unohana's best healers, Hitsugaya looked like he'd been through hell. He was sickly, thin, and pale, which only served to accentuate the dark circles under his eyes and the still healing bruises on his arms and legs. His too long hair hung limp, and his eyes were dull and troubled. The young man's reiatsu was also different. Hitsugaya's reiatsu had always felt like a crisp wind on a winter morning. What little of it there was now felt artificial, like the air conditioning he'd experienced when he'd been in the living world. Hitsugaya didn't seem to be aware of his reiatsu at all, which further troubled Ukitake. The easily provoked and quickly to anger captain Ukitake had known was nowhere to be found in the cautious young man he'd just left.

Ukitake was led to Yamamoto's office as soon as he arrived at the 1st division compound. Yamamoto sat behind his desk, his full attention on Ukitake as he entered. Yamamoto's intensity was hard to get used to, as was the lack of emotional response to most situations. People might think that Yamamoto was uncaring and callous, but Ukitake knew that Yamamoto cared about all of the people under his command, especially his captains. Hitsugaya's disappearance had hit them all hard because he'd been taken from what should have been the most secure area available to him: his quarters.

"How is Hitsugaya-taichou doing?" Yamamoto asked once Ukitake had taken a position in front of the desk.

"He's doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances," Ukitake said. "I just spoke to him and he's responsive, albeit a little cautious. Unohana-taichou says he's recovering well from his injuries and is ready to be released."

"Good," Yamamoto said, "he's the best witness to this incident that we have. We need to encourage him to remember as much as possible as quickly as possible. What has your reconnaissance team found so far?"

"The team followed the faint traces of Hitsugaya-taichou's reiatsu to a natural cave on the foothills of the 13th district's eastern edge," Ukitake said. "There was evidence that the cave had been used until recently: remnants of a fire, trash, and pieces of a shihakusho," Ukitake paused, clenching his hands into fists as he remembered the blood-stained pieces of Hitsugaya's kosode that his team had brought back, "but there was very little evidence otherwise. The team found several sets of footprints, but it's hard to say whom they all belonged to.

"How can you be sure that Hitsugaya was there at all?" Yamamoto asked.

"The blood on the kosode was tested and matches Hitsugaya's blood type. The team also took photographs of the footprints in the cave. One set was smaller and was made by bare feet. It matches Hitsugaya's feet," Ukitake said. "Hitsugaya was definitely there, but it's hard to say for how long."

Yamamoto considered Ukitake's words while Ukitake went over all of the data he'd received from his team. There was precious little evidence to go by and precious few people around the area to interview. It had to have taken Hitsugaya days to walk from the 13th district back to the 1st.

"Holding a captain-class shinigami, even a severely weakened one, in an open area like that is dangerous," Yamamoto finally said. "Even in a deserted area, there's bound to be one or two spiritually aware individuals to notice the increase in reiatsu in the area and raise the alarm, especially if Aizen and his people are involved."

"Agreed," Ukitake said. "I plan to go to the cave myself to take a look around and interview the locals. A captain poking around might have more of an effect on the people in the district."

"Good thinking," Yamamoto said. "Take Matsumoto-fukutaichou with you."

"Sir?" Ukitake asked, confused at the sudden order.

"She's driven herself to exhaustion ever since Hitsugaya-taichou disappeared," Yamamoto explained. "This will take her mind off of the current situation and the fact that she can't do anything about her captain's memory loss."

Ukitake couldn't argue with that so he nodded in agreement.

"I want Hitsugaya-taichou under constant surveillance once he's released from the 4th division," Yamamoto added. "Until we know why he was kidnapped and how he escaped we need to keep an eye on him."

"Yes, sir. I'll have Shunsui pick him up. Hitsugaya can say at the 8th division until Matsumoto and I return."

"Very well," Yamamoto said. "Dismissed."

Ukitake bowed and left Yamamoto's office. He was deeply troubled about this whole situation. He didn't suspect Hitsugaya of any wrong doing, but he suspected the circumstances around his return. They didn't have any proof of Aizen's involvement and, outside of Yamamoto's office, the identity of Hitsugaya's kidnapper was officially unknown, but there was really no one else it could be.

They couldn't help Hitsugaya heal until they knew who was behind his abduction. Ukitake knew better than most of the other captains in the Gotei 13 that the safety of the many outweighed the safety of any individual as far as Yamamoto was concerned. If there were ever any doubt as to Hitsugaya's loyalty or motivations, Yamamoto would err on the side of caution. Ukitake hoped that they could figure this situation out before it came to that. He liked Hitsugaya, and the young man looked like he'd already gone through enough. Ukitake didn't wish him any further harm.

* * *

Hitsugaya had spent the last five minutes staring at the food they'd brought him. He wasn't particularly hungry, but the healers insisted that he eat. He'd tried to eat a little bit of the strange-looking concoction in the bowl, but his stomach had rebelled against the food as soon as he'd swallowed it. He wasn't in as much pain as he'd been in before waking up here, but he didn't feel completely well either. He felt as if he was underwater, and that feeling intensified every time one of the captains came to visit him. Unohana-taichou was kind and gentle, but being around her made him feel as if something was crawling on his skin.

Ukitake-taichou had been to visit him earlier that day, and the crawling sensation had been worse with him. The man had been friendly and seemed genuinely concerned for him. Hitsugaya had reiterated to him, as he'd done to everyone else that had come talk to him, that he remembered very little of what had happened. Unlike everyone else that had come talk to him, however, Ukitake-taichou had the mentality of a problem solver. He'd asked very specific questions, and Hitsugaya had come to the conclusion that Ukitake-taichou had been put in charge of finding out what happened to him. It had to be frustrating that Hitsugaya wasn't able to give him any information.

A soft knock on the door pulled Hitsugaya from his musings.

"Come in," he said, and the door opened to reveal a short, and rather shy, woman with dark eyes and dark hair pulled up in a bun. She stood in the doorway for a bit, uncertainty clear in her eyes. She seemed to be debating whether to come inside or close the door and run away, and Hitsugaya wondered what had happened to make her look so sad.

"Can I help you?" he asked when she still didn't move.

"Shiro-chan," she finally said and walked inside the room, closing the door behind her.

Hitsugaya's eyebrow rose at the form of address.

"We know each other, I take it," he said as she settled on the chair next to him. He watched her fidget, her gaze meeting his momentarily and then looking away.

"We do," she said. "I'm Hinamori Momo. We grew up together."

That explained the familiarity. Her eyes traveled to the untouched meal and she finally met his eyes.

"You really should eat that, Shiro-chan," she said. "You look awfully thin already."

Hitsugaya looked down at himself and frowned. He'd assumed that the clothes Unohana-taichou had given him to wear were borrowed because they were so big on him. Maybe they weren't.

"I'm not hungry," he said, inwardly wincing at how childish he sounded.

Hinamori laughed. "They should have brought you some watermelon," she said. "You love watermelon."

"I'm sure that would have been better than this stuff," Hitsugaya said as he moved the concoction around with his spoon. "This has no taste."

"It's good for you, though," Hinamori said. "It's Unohana-taichou's special recipe."

They sat in silence for a while, Hitsugaya becoming a bit uncomfortable at the woman's penetrating gaze. She seemed to have gotten over her nervousness from when she arrived, because her eyes now seemed to bore into him as if she could read everything in his mind.

"So what happened to me?" Hitsugaya finally asked. "People come and ask me if I remember anything from the time I was gone, but no one has told me what happened."

Hinamori's gaze wavered and she looked away, but not before Hitsugaya saw a flicker of guilt in her eyes.

"We don't really know what happened," Hinamori said. "You were kidnapped from your room one night. Matsumoto-san told me that by the time she got there you were already gone."

"Who would want to kidnap me?" Hitsugaya asked. "Did I have a lot of enemies?"

Hinamori shook her head. "No, not really," she said. "You're well liked and respected here."

"This place looks like a fortress and you have a lot of guards. Wouldn't it be hard to get in and out if you weren't already familiar with the place?"

"Sure," she said, her voice wavering a bit. "It can be pretty confusing."

Hitsugaya thought back to Matsumoto's apology. She said he'd been kidnapped because she hadn't been able to get to him fast enough. If this place was a fortress and the intruder was from the outside, wouldn't Matsumoto have had enough time?

"Matsumoto told me I was kidnapped from my quarters. Wouldn't whoever had done it know where to go?"

Hinamori looked very uncomfortable. "They knew where to go, but we don't know why," she finally said. "We investigated, but there were very few clues left behind."

Hitsugaya felt horrible at the guilt he could see on her face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to blame you or anyone else. I just hate not knowing anything," he said softly. "Everyone knows me, but I don't know myself. All I remember of my life are bits and pieces of a nightmare."

"I'm so sorry, Hitsugaya-kun," she said. She reached out as if to grab his hand, but hesitated before she actually touched him. "This should never have happened."

What could he say to that? No, it shouldn't have happened? He chose to change the subject.

"Tell me about us growing up together," he said, forcing his mind away from the more morose thoughts that had taken residence in there. "What was it like?"

She brightened a bit and proceeded to tell him about afternoons spent watching the sunset eating watermelon, days swimming in the river, and weekends spent helping their grandmother do the household chores. They were eventually interrupted by another knock on the door and the subsequent arrival of a giant of a man wearing an atrocious pink kimono over his captain's uniform.

"Hitsugaya-kun, Hinamori-kun," the man greeted as he entered the room, "I have good news for you, young Hitsugaya. You have been officially released. You are going to stay in my division until Ukitake-taichou and Matsumoto-fukutaichou return from their mission."

"In other words, you've been ordered to keep an eye on me," Hitsugaya said.

"In a way, but only for your own safety," the man replied with a smile.

"Do the guards outside work for you?" Hitsugaya asked.

"No, they're from the 13th division. They work for Ukitake-taichou."

Since Ukitake was investigating his disappearance, the guards now made a little bit of sense.

"Pardon my manners. I'm Kyouraku Shunsui, captain of the 8th division."

"Nice to meet you, Kyouraku-taichou," Hitsugaya said. "What mission did Ukitake-taichou and Matsumoto-fukutaichou go on?"

"Just some reconnaissance," the captain said. "Nothing to worry about. We can leave whenever you're ready. Hinamori, you can come as well and keep Hitsugaya-kun company if you'd like."

"Yes, sir," she said and stood up.

Hitsugaya followed them both out of the room. He wasn't sure what to make of this new person, but he wasn't going to turn down a chance to get out of this room. He might have been more hesitant if he'd thought about the reaction he was going to get from the other shinigami in Seireitei, though.

Once he'd been properly lectured by Unohana-taichou about the importance of eating and resting, he was allowed to leave the 4th division. He followed Kyouraku-taichou with Hinamori walking along beside him. At first, no one seemed to notice Hitsugaya behind the tall, colorfully dressed captain. Hitsugaya was grateful, as it gave him a chance to examine the peaceful surroundings. It was quiet and people went about their business peacefully. No one seemed worried or rushed and seemed happy enough to be where they were. Hitsugaya wondered what it had been like to live here and to know these people.

They'd been walking for a few minutes when the shinigami they were passing started to notice him. The reaction would have been comical if it hadn't been directed at him. People would actually stop and gape, some pointing and some even calling their fellows over to see. It was disconcerting to have so many eyes on him, and Hitsugaya resisted the urge to cringe and look down at his feet. Instead, he returned the glances he was getting and was surprised when the shinigami started to bow their heads respectfully at him, wave, or call out greetings.

"They all know me," Hitsugaya said as they walked by another group of people.

"You're one of only 13 captains," Hinamori said, "of course they all know you."

The thought intrigued Hitsugaya, but at least the people seemed friendly and non-threatening. They resumed their walk and, a short while later, Hitsugaya came to a stop in front of what looked a lot like the main gate of the 4th division, but had a different division number on the front. Two guards stood in front of the open door, and the men seemed as surprised to see him as Hitsugaya was to see them.

"Something wrong, Hitsugaya-kun?" Kyouraku asked. "Does this place seem familiar?"

Hitsugaya's instinct was to say no, but he wasn't sure that was true. There was something about this place, something that pulled at him. He took a few more steps closer to the door, wondering if the guards would tell him that he wasn't allowed in.

"It's good to see you, Hitsugaya-taichou," one of the guards said. "Are you coming back to the division?"

"Not yet," Kyouraku-taichou answered from behind Hitsugaya. "Hitsugaya-taichou is still recovering and he'll be staying with me for a bit. Don't worry, he'll be back before you know it."

"What is this place?" Hitsugaya asked the captain.

Hinamori answered. "This is your division, Hitsugaya-kun," she said. "You're the captain of the 10th division."

"Can I look inside?"

The guards looked from Hitsugaya to Kyouraku as if waiting for some direction. Hitsugaya turned to look at the captain as well and caught the concerned look on his face.

"There shouldn't be any danger here, should there?"

Kyouraku shook his head, but didn't look entirely happy with the request.

"Lead the way," the man said, and Hitsugaya stepped through the door and into the inner courtyard.

There weren't many people around, for which he was grateful. He crossed the courtyard quickly and turned right when he reached the inner building. He followed the corridor as it turned, his steps getting faster as he went. He took another right at the next fork and found himself in front of a closed door. He opened it without waiting for permission and found himself in an office. There was a desk in front of him with two couches sitting in front of it. Bookcases lined the walls, and the windows let in warm sunlight. He walked to the desk, catching his reflection on the window directly behind it. The image of a thin, pale young man with long hair and dull eyes was temporarily replaced by the image of another young man, healthy and strong, with shorter hair and green eyes that shone with determination and purpose.

_Where are your friends now, Hitsugaya-kun? They've abandoned you."_

"_No, they'll find me."_

"_I'll be through with you before they do."_

The voice thundered in Hitsugaya's head and he looked around him to see if the man from the laboratory was standing there. There was no one there except Hinamori and Kyouraku. Hitsugaya turned back to the window to see his own reflection looking back at him again. A scream echoed in his mind, and Hitsugaya recognized it as his own. His hand went to the crook of his left elbow, which had started to burn.

"Are you okay, Hitsugaya-kun?" Hinamori asked.

"Is there a bathroom here?" he asked, his voice barely controlled. The last thing he wanted was to be sent back to the 4th division.

"Over there," she said, pointing to a door on the other side of the room.

He went through it, into a hallway, and then into the bathroom. He closed the door and leaned against the wall, his heart pounding loudly. The screams continued in his head, and the pain that had started at his elbow blossomed until it consumed his whole body. He gasped and doubled over, his hands wrapped around his stomach. He forced himself to breathe deeply through the pain as he'd taught himself to do and it slowly diminished. Hitsugaya was left shaking and exhausted. He rolled up his sleeve and examined his left arm, but there was nothing there except the bruises from the thugs in the cave.

A knock on the door startled him.

"Is everything alright in there?" Kyouraku asked.

"Yes, I'm fine," Hitsugaya said, glad that he'd managed to make his voice sound normal. "I'll be right out."

He rinsed his hands and then ran them over his face. When he felt calm enough, he opened the door to find the captain waiting for him.

"Did you remember something?" he asked.

"No," Hitsugaya lied. "I'm just tired and still a bit weak."

"Let's head to the 8th division then," the captain said. "You need to rest."

Hitsugaya nodded in agreement and followed the man out of the 10th division, his thoughts far away from the peace of Seireitei. The man in the laboratory had been right: his friends hadn't found him after all. Hitsugaya had to come looking for them.

* * *

Ukitake and Matsumoto made their way into the residential area of the 13th district of Rukongai, searching for two mysterious men that had been spotted in the area near the cave. Akira, Ukitake's 10th seat, had questioned them briefly but the men had refused to give him much information. They had acted suspiciously enough that Akira wanted to interview them further, but Matsumoto and Ukitake thought that seeing a captain and a vice-captain might loosen their tongues a little bit so they'd gone themselves.

"Where did Akira say this house was?" Ukitake asked as they joined the bustle of late afternoon activity.

Matsumoto looked around the area a bit, looking for the house with the red roof that Akira had told them about. The neighborhood was fairly decent, well-kept, and looked pretty crime free. The people walking around looked well fed and clothed, which didn't surprise Matsumoto. This district was fairly close to Seireitei, so it fared better than the districts that were further out. Matsumoto knew this from experience, being from the 64th district of North Rukongai. Things were not peaceful or plentiful there.

"There it is!" she said as she spotted it at the end of the block.

As luck would have it, the two men they were looking for were just walking out of the house. The taller of the two spotted them first, alerted the other, and they both took off running. Matsumoto sighed and stepped into shunpo. Ukitake did the same and they had the men surrounded in a matter of seconds.

"Did you seriously think you could outrun us?" Matsumoto asked, her hand on Haineko's hilt.

"We just want to talk to you," Ukitake said. "I believe you have some information regarding the shinigami captain that was held in that cave on the outskirts of the district."

"We don't know anything!"

"He's a captain? But he's so little."

Both men spoke at the same time, then the taller one turned to his companion, a disgusted look on his face. "Shut up, you idiot!"

Matsumoto's jaw tightened at the outburst and she drew her zanpakutou. She stepped up to the shorter man, the blade casually at her side. "You shouldn't talk about height, scumbag. You're pretty short yourself."

The man swallowed and Matsumoto could feel his fear. _Good,_ she thought. _Had Hitsugaya felt afraid while he'd been with them? What did they do to him? _

"Matsumoto," Ukitake warned.

She backed off, but just a little, keeping her sword drawn.

"It appears that you do have some information," Ukitake said. "Let's go somewhere we can talk."

It was an order and both men looked with wide eyes from one shinigami to the other before acquiescing and leading them to the house they'd just left.

"I'm Ukitake-taichou and this is Matsumoto-fukutaichou," Ukitake said once they were settled inside the house. "You're already in some serious trouble for aiding in a kidnapping so I suggest that you make it easier on yourselves and tell us the truth."

Ukitake's words were polite, but the tone was unmistakable: _lie to us and we'll make you miserable._

"We know that you didn't kidnap Hitsugaya-taichou, but you likely saw the man that did. Tell me, how did Hitsugaya-taichou come to be in your possession?"

The taller of the men was the first to speak. "We were approached at a bar," he finally said. "A man dressed all in white offered me money to keep an eye on someone."

"Did you see what this man looked like?" Matsumoto asked, her voice deadly calm. It surprised her that she could sound so calm when all she wanted to do was beat these two men senseless for what they'd done.

"He was blonde with blue eyes and very tall. He had some weird, bone-looking thing on the top of his head."

The description didn't sound like anyone Matsumoto knew, but it did sound like the men had seen an arrancar.

"I got Sato here and took the blonde man to the cave," the man continued. "We hang out there every once in a while and it seemed like a hidden-enough place."

The man stopped, wrung his hands a little, and looked anywhere but at Ukitake and Matsumoto.

"The blonde man came back a few days later with the shinigami. The shinigami looked like he'd been beaten up and drugged," the other man, Sato, continued. "He was half-lucid but looked like he couldn't move. We knew he was a shinigami because of what he was wearing, but we didn't know he was a captain. I swear we didn't know. Tell them, Matsuo. "

Matsuo agreed with his friend. "We were told to secure the kid and keep him for a while. That he'd come back when they needed him."

"Need him for what?" Ukitake asked.

"We don't know. The man never told us," Sato said. "They would take him for weeks at a time and then bring him back and leave him with us for weeks. They were doing something to him because he changed, but we were never told what it was."

"What do you mean, he changed?" Ukitake asked.

Matsuo and Sato looked at each other, fear in their eyes. The fear of what Ukitake and Matsumoto would do to them if they lied seemed to outweigh the fear of what they were about to say. Matsuo spoke.

"At first, the shinigami tried to escape. He tried to get out of his restraints, he would yell at us and try to attack us when we got too close. After a while, he stopped fighting and he stopped talking. Whatever they did to him took the fight out of him."

It took everything Matsumoto had not to run the man through with her blade.

"What did _you_ do to him?" Matsumoto asked, her voice dropping and her reiatsu raising enough to make even these two spiritually dense individuals uncomfortable.

"We didn't do anything!" Sato said. "We were just told to keep him."

Matsumoto stood so that she was in front of both men, towering over them. Ukitake watched from the side but did not intervene. "There was evidence of broken bones, lacerations, and scars. I doubt they all came from this mysterious man that you claim would come and take your prisoner. Now, I won't ask you again, what did _you_ do to Hitsugaya-taichou?"

"He fought us," Matsuo said, his voice high pitched with fear. "He tried to escape, he attacked us. We had to do something so that he wouldn't escape."

"He was defenseless," Ukitake said.

"He was a shinigami!" Sato replied. "We hate shinigami and we made sure that he knew it."

Matsumoto turned to Sato and picked him up by the front of his robe. The man didn't try to fight back, he just hung limp from Matsumoto's grip. She unsheathed Haineko and held the side of the blade to Sato's neck.

"The young man you tortured is my captain," she said. "A good, kind person and faithful friend. I'm going to make sure that you never see the light of day again."

She released him and he flopped to the ground with a loud thud. She sheathed her sword as Ukitake called for reinforcements to take these two into custody.

"What's going to happen to us?" Matsuo, who seemed to be the more intelligent and less angry of the two, asked.

"You'll be taken to Seireitei where you'll be questioned and held for aiding and abetting the kidnapping of a shinigami," Ukitake replied. "We have ways to make you remember exactly what you did while Hitsugaya-taichou was your _guest_."

Ukitake was angrier than Matsumoto had ever seen him, which helped quell her anger a little bit. These two idiots were just pawns in Aizen's scheme and what they'd learned today didn't get them any closer to finding out what that scheme was. She had no doubt that Kurotsuchi-taichou would have plenty of ways to make these two talk. Matsumoto almost wished that she could be there to see them suffer as much as they'd made her captain suffer.

Matsumoto and Ukitake didn't have to wait long for reinforcements from the 13th division to arrive.

"These two were involved in Hitsugaya-taichou's kidnapping. Take them to Kurotsuchi-taichou," Ukitake ordered. "I'm sure he'll enjoy getting to know them."

The three shinigami winced at the thought as they led the two men out of the house.

"How are you holding up, Rangiku?" Ukitake asked as they stood outside once again.

"They're just pawns, just like the rest of us," she said. "We still don't know anything."

"We know something," Ukitake said. "Didn't Hitsugaya-kun mention being taken to a laboratory of some kind? While it doesn't make sense why they wouldn't just keep Hitsugaya there all of the time, the more we hear about what happened, the more this leads to Aizen."

Matsumoto nodded. "I think we might need to have Unohana-taichou examine Hitsugaya-taichou again. If there were drugs involved, that may give us some clues."

"I'm going to head back to talk to my men," Ukitake said. "You go on back and tell Unohana-taichou what we just heard."

"Yes, sir," she said and quickly left the district behind.

* * *

I love it when Matsumoto takes a stand.

Coming up: a look into Hitsugaya's time in captivity.


	4. Remnants of a Nightmare

Greetings!

This chapter is a little darker and a little more violent than the others. There is also some swearing. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 4: Remnants of a Nightmare**

The 8th division wasn't much different than the 4th division, and Hitsugaya had been met with the same stares here as he had in the 4th. The layout was a little different and the soldiers were of a different specialty, but everyone went about their business as efficiently as they had in the 4th. Kyouraku-taichou had been called away to handle some division business in his office and Hinamori had excused herself, leaving Hitsugaya to wander around the division at his leisure. He was aware that there was one shinigami discreetly following him and had no doubt that he'd be stopped if he tried to leave the division, not that he'd try to. He couldn't blame the shinigami for being suspicious, even if they claimed that he was one of their own.

After several hours of wandering around, Hitsugaya had settled on the wall looking down onto one of the courtyards. Several groups of soldiers were training, some in hand to hand and others in swordsmanship. Hitsugaya watched, fascinated, at the skills being displayed. He was closer to the squad practicing swordsmanship and he could hear the sound of steel on steel as their blades connected. The blades moved with dizzying speed, but Hitsugaya had no trouble following the moves. He even began to notice the mistakes some of the soldiers were making. He was tempted to call out directions, but refrained from doing so for fear that he was completely wrong in his assessment and he'd be making a fool of himself. He was better off watching, anyway.

Thirty minutes later, one of the soldiers noticed him watching. It was the same man that Hitsugaya had been paying special attention to because he was the one making the most mistakes. The man met his eyes and then quickly turned away. He leaned towards one of his teammates and said something to him, because that man, too, turned towards Hitsugaya. The man jogged over to the wall where Hitsugaya sat and yelled up to him.

"Do you have any pointers, Hitsugaya-taichou?" he asked.

Hitsugaya almost said no, because he didn't think that he knew anything about swordsmanship, but there was something very familiar about all of this that pulled at his curiosity. Instead of answering, Hitsugaya got to his feet and walked down the sloped walkway towards the man that had spoken to him.

"Do you mind if I watch from here?" Hitsugaya asked once he was next to the man, a young blonde with green eyes and a friendly smile.

"Of course not. Would you like us to repeat what we were doing?"

Hitsugaya nodded, and the group of 6 went through their forms again before separating into three groups of three for sparring. Hitsugaya walked around the three pairs and watched as they sparred. He stopped by the brunette that had first noticed him and held up his hand. The pair immediately stopped and turned to him.

"You're breaking form," Hitsugaya said to the man. "It's leaving you open."

Without thinking, Hitsugaya positioned the man's arms so that the stance was tighter and instructed him to keep his head up and eyes trained on the opponent. The two shinigami began sparring again and the man's form began to look better. After several more corrections, the form had improved to the point where he was no longer leaving himself open to attack. The man smiled and bowed to Hitsugaya.

"Thank you, Hitsugaya-taichou," he said. "That was very helpful."

Hitsugaya smiled in return, feeling giddy at having helped someone. He didn't know how he'd known what do to or say, but it had felt natural.

"Hitsugaya-kun!"

He turned to see Hinamori waving at him from where he'd been sitting earlier. He turned back to the men and waved goodbye.

"What were you doing?" Hinamori asked when he got near her.

"Watching," Hitsugaya responded.

"It looked like you were helping them. Are you starting to remember something?"

"I don't know what it is," he answered. "I just knew how to help."

She smiled and led him away from the courtyard. "I hope you don't mind, but I brought over some food and invited a couple of friends to join us. I thought it be good for you to get reacquainted with some people."

Hitsugaya followed her to yet another courtyard, this one lined with trees. It was beautiful and serene, and he liked the place immediately. On the left, under one of the bigger trees, Hinamori had set up a picnic. Kyouraku and four other people were sitting on the ground around what looked to be a very big spread of food. Hinamori sat him down next to Kyouraku and started the introductions.

"This is Ise Nanao, the vice captain of the 8th division," she said, pointing to a young woman with glasses sitting next to Kyouraku. She next introduced the other female in the group, a short woman with short, dark hair, as Kuchiki Rukia. The tall, redheaded guy with the tattoos on his forehead was Abarai Renji, and the blonde, quiet guy next to him was introduced as Kira Izuru. Each person nodded as they were introduced, strange looks in their eyes. They were all high-ranking shinigami, and Hitsugaya wondered what they were thinking as they looked at him. Were they wondering if he was a threat to them? Were they wondering why they hadn't found him sooner? Were they wondering just how much he'd been damaged? Did they even care?

"Nice to meet you all," Hitsugaya finally said.

"Enough with the boring stuff," Kyouraku said with a wide smile. "Let's eat!"

They each grabbed a plate and helped themselves. They insisted that Hitsugaya go first and he got a little bit of everything. They ate quietly, looking at each other nervously. Kyouraku-taichou and Ise-fukutaichou were the only two beside Hinamori that didn't look uncomfortable. Hitsugaya got the impression that he didn't normally socialize with them or, if he did, it was under different circumstances. They were very reserved around him, almost afraid. It made Hitsugaya wonder if he somehow harmed them in the past. Surely they wouldn't be here if he had. Could Kyouraku-taichou have ordered them to come? Abarai spoke before he could follow that train of thought.

"It's good to see that you're doing well, Hitsugaya-taichou," the redhead said. "We were all worried about you."

"Thank you," Hitsugaya replied. He didn't want to dwell on the subject of his disappearance, or return, so he changed the subject. "Tell me a little bit about yourself. How did you meet Hinamori?"

Abarai grinned and told the story of how he, Kira and Hinamori had gone through the shinigami academy together and became good friends. Once Abarai had broken the awkward silence, the rest of the group seemed to relax a little. They each told stories about the others, Abarai being the loudest and more outgoing and Kuchiki the quietest. He found out that Kuchiki's brother was a captain and that she was a member of Ukitake's division. He also learned that she had quite a temper and didn't hold back on smacking Abarai whenever he said something she disliked, which Hitsugaya found amusing.

"Anyone up for a little sake?" Kyouraku asked, holding up a bottle of the drink that Hitsugaya hadn't noticed.

Abarai and Kira gladly accepted, but the ladies, and Hitsugaya, declined. He wasn't comfortable with these people and he didn't want his judgment to be clouded by alcohol. The three men drank and told more stories well into the night. The people around him seemed to have a good working relationship and they were very comfortable around each other. It gave Hitsugaya a feeling of peace that he hadn't had before. Eventually, Kira had stopped drinking and seemed to have sobered up a little bit. He left his place between Abarai and Kuchiki and came to sit next to Hitsugaya.

"How are you really feeling?" the blonde asked. "I can't imagine what it's like not to remember anything."

Hitsugaya shrugged. "I'm fine," he said. "Unohana-taichou wants to keep an eye on me for a little bit, but otherwise I've recovered well."

"That's good," the man said. He seemed very nervous and Hitsugaya wondered what kind of relationship they'd had before he was kidnapped. "This must seem really strange to you," Kira added. "I mean, a bunch of people who you don't know acting like crazy fools." He pointed to the rest of the group who was busy laughing and chatting it up to make his point.

"It is a little strange," he admitted, "but everyone seems very nice and welcoming. Did we do this often?"

"We have parties at the divisions every once in a while," Kira said, "but you were never one to join in. You kept to yourself a lot."

"Why?" Hitsugaya asked. If possible, Kira looked even more uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, that's probably not a good question to ask."

"It's fine," Kira said. "It's just that I don't really know why," he admitted. "You and Hinamori go back a long way, and you do socialize with us, but when things got crazy and out of hand, you usually called it a night. I don't think drunken stupors are much your style."

Hitsugaya chuckled and glanced at Kyouraku and Abarai. "You're right, I don't think they are. So tell me a little bit about what you do in the 3rd division."

It took Kira a while to get going, but when he did, Hitsugaya found himself enjoying the conversation with the quiet vice captain. The man was very bright and very passionate, but also seemed to be weighed down by something. Hitsugaya resolved to ask Hinamori about it the next day.

"Okay, kids, it's time to call it a night," Kyouraku said an hour later, suddenly sober. "Hitsugaya-taichou needs to rest."

"Thank you all for coming," Hinamori said.

They said their goodbyes and Kyouraku led Hitsugaya to the room where he'd be sleeping for the night.

"I got some things from your quarters in the 10th division," Hinamori said, pointing to a stack on one of the chairs. "I thought you'd be more comfortable wearing your own clothes."

"Thank you, that's very thoughtful," Hitsugaya said. "The dinner was nice."

Hinamori beamed, which brought a smile to Hitsugaya's face. Even Kyouraku was smiling.

"We'll let you get some sleep," the captain said. "Hinamori-fukutaichou is spending the night in one of the nearby rooms, so if you need anything let her know. Or let anyone else know and they'll come find me."

They said their goodnights and Hitsugaya closed the door behind them. He went to the chair and looked for something to sleep in among the clothing Hinamori had brought. He soon found the yukata and changed into it. It was the right length, but too big otherwise. He wrapped it as tightly as he could and tied it closed. He finished his preparations for bed and lay down, thinking over the day's events. He'd enjoyed the company of Hinamori's friends, but Hitsugaya still couldn't picture himself belonging with the shinigami. They were all so powerful and self-assured, and he felt so lost and confused.

There was something gnawing at him, something urgent that he had to remember; the feeling had started when he left the 4th division and had intensified when he'd been at dinner with Hinamori and her friends. Now, as he lay here in a guest room in the 8th division, he felt as if it took him too long to remember, it was going to be too late. It was with that in mind that Hitsugaya slipped into a fitful sleep.

* * *

_Hitsugaya was in the white place that smelled like antiseptic again. He was lying on a cold, metal table, his arms and legs secured to it by steel bands around his wrists and ankles. He tested the bonds, but they were secure. He was naked from the waist up, the cold of the table seeping into his body and making him shiver._

_He didn't know how many times he'd been here or where here actually was. There wasn't anyone else in the room with him right now, but the man with the syringe would eventually come. Hitsugaya's whole world consisted of the man with the syringe and the two men in the cave. He hadn't seen or talked to anyone else since… he couldn't remember when. _

_The door to the room opened and Hitsugaya heard footsteps coming towards the table. _

"_Hello, Hitsugaya-kun. It's so nice to see you again," the man with the syringe said. He stood beside the table and ran his fingers through Hitsugaya's hair. "Your hair has gotten long. You've been our guest for quite a while, haven't you?"_

_Hitsugaya glanced up at the man with the brown hair and kind eyes and wondered, not for the first time, how someone who looked so friendly could be so cruel. _

"_I rather miss your temper," the man said. "You used to yell and tell me that you hated me and would kill me as soon as you got out of your restraints, but now all you do is lay there and stare at me. I bet you don't remember that, do you?"_

_The man gripped Hitsugaya's hair again, this time to the point of pain, but Hitsugaya kept silent. The man leaned down so that their faces were almost touching. _

"_Truth is you don't remember me at all, do you, Shiro-chan?" the man said._

_He let go of Hitsugaya's hair and straightened. "The mind will do incredible things to protect itself," he said as he prepared the syringes he was going to need for this particular session. "You're still young; the mind might recover… or it might not."_

_The first syringe, when it was injected into his arm, wasn't bad. It just stung and made Hitsugaya a bit uncomfortable. By the third one, however, his body burned. His arm throbbed dully in contrast with the rest of his body. Hitsugaya never knew what he was given, but each time he was injected the pain worsened and lasted much longer. He groaned as the pain reached his head._

_A cool hand was placed on his forehead and Hitsugaya was tempted to lean into that blessed coolness. He didn't, because he knew that the hand that now provided relief was the same one that had caused the pain. _

"_You are nothing without your power," the man's voice penetrated Hitsugaya's fevered mind. "And now it's mine to do as I wish."_

_The hand moved away from his forehead and brushed back the hair that had stuck to his sweaty face. _

"_Hitsugaya Toushirou, Seireitei's youngest captain, wielder of one of the strongest zanpakutou in history. Your power is going to help me bring down the very institution that you've sworn your allegiance to. Where are your friends now, dear Toushirou? Why haven't they come to save you?"_

_Hitsugaya groaned at the heat traveling through his veins. How long had he been here? Why hadn't anyone come for him? _

_A fourth injection followed and Hitsugaya wasn't able to hold back the scream that clawed its way out of his throat. He screamed until he could barely breathe, and still the pain continued. _

"_Your screams are music to my ears," the man whispered in Hitsugaya's ear. To someone else, he said, "Take him back. We won't be able to use him for another few weeks."_

_That was the last thing Hitsugaya heard before unconsciousness finally took him. _

* * *

_When Hitsugaya came to, he was no longer burning. Instead, he was freezing. The sterile smell was gone, replaced by the dampness that had been his constant companion for longer than he cared to think about. _

_He was lying on his side, his cheek pressed to the hard dirt beneath him. He shifted onto his back and groaned as the by now familiar aches and pains made themselves known. How long had this been going on? How much longer would it go on for? What did the man that gave him the injections want from him? The man knew Hitsugaya, but Hitsugaya didn't know who the man was. He'd asked, but instead of an answer he'd gotten cruel laughter and more pain. Surely this wasn't what Hitsugaya's life had always been like. Had he always existed just to be a test subject or had there been some other meaning to his existence? _

"_So the little one's back."_

_Hitsugaya's eyes moved around the cave until he saw the source of the voice. The short man was standing a few feet away, smirking at him. This one and his partner were also always around, although it looked like it was just this one today. _

_Hitsugaya realized that he wasn't being restrained. Perhaps if he moved quickly enough he could catch the guy by surprise. Hitsugaya turned onto his side again, his back to the short man. He was weak, still in pain, and wasn't sure how his body would respond once he tried to move it, but he had to give it a try. Hitsugaya heard the man getting closer and readied himself. As soon as he could see the man's feet, he kicked, managing to knock the man to the floor. Hitsugaya got to his feet and kicked the fallen man in the stomach. The man curled in on himself, but Hitsugaya wasn't about to wait for him to recover. He half-limped and half-ran to where he thought the entrance to the cave was. He had made it far enough to see daylight when he was tackled from behind. They tumbled to the ground, Hitsugaya pinned underneath the other man._

"_Where do you think you're going, you little piece of shit," the short man's partner said, practically spitting in Hitsugaya's face. _

_Hitsugaya snapped his head forward and struck the man's nose. The satisfying crack of cartilage breaking was enough to give him an adrenaline boost and he got free of the taller guy. He got to his feet, but didn't get very far, as he was grabbed by the shoulders and slammed face first into the nearest wall. Stars exploded in his vision and blood trickled down his forehead and into his eyes as one man pinned him from behind. The other man pulled Hitsugaya's left arm away from his body and placed the hand flat against the stone wall. The man grabbed Hitsugaya's middle finger and grinned. _

"_Should we show him just how much we hate shinigami?" he asked his partner. _

_Hitsugaya felt the other man's breath against his cheek as he laughed. "By all means," he said. _

_The shorter guy pulled, and Hitsugaya hissed as his finger broke._

* * *

Hitsugaya awoke to the sound of his own scream. His left hand throbbed in remembered pain and his stomach churned. He was going to be sick. He looked around the room until he spotted a trashcan. He had barely made it when his stomach decided it really didn't want what was in it. Violent heaves tore through him, making his eyes water. Tears streamed down his nose to mingle with the thrown up contents of his stomach. When he was done heaving, he pushed the can away and sat catching his breath. His wiped his mouth and face with his sleeve and almost jumped when a glass was held out in front of him.

"Here, it'll help."

Hitsugaya looked up to see Hinamori sitting on the floor beside him, also dressed in her sleeping clothes. He took the glass of water, used a little to rinse his mouth, and then drank a little bit. His throat was raw and the cool water did help.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I'm staying in the room next door and I heard you screaming. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to barge in here, but…" she trailed off and he got what she was saying: she was worried.

"It's fine," he said. He got up from the floor, helped her up, and then sat on the edge of the bed while Hinamori took one of the chairs.

"Were you having a nightmare?" she asked.

He nodded.

"If you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen," she said.

He was tempted. Maybe he wouldn't feel like he was going to explode if he talked about it a little bit. What could it hurt?

"There was a man who injected me with drugs," Hitsugaya began. "I don't know what drug it was, but it hurt. He knew me, but I don't know him, at least not now. I used to know him."

"How can you be sure?" Hinamori asked.

"He told me," Hitsugaya answered. "He said I used to yell at him and tell him I was going to kill him but that now I didn't remember him at all."

"What did he look like, do you remember?" she asked.

He closed his eyes and pictured what he'd seen in the dream. "He was tall, had brown hair, not too short but not too long, and he looked like a kind man. But he wasn't kind. He took great pleasure in the pain he was causing."

Hitsugaya shuddered, and Hinamori came to sit beside him on the bed. "Are you sure, Shiro-chan?"

The nickname sent a jolt through Hitsugaya. "He called me that!" Hitsugaya said. "How did he know? How many people call me that?"

He was getting agitated, and it was scaring her. He took a couple of calming breaths while she also seemed to pull herself together.

"You don't really like the nickname, so no one else calls you that but me," she finally said.

"So how would the man with the syringe know? Does he know you?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said.

She was holding something back, he could tell by the widening of her eyes and the guilt that had momentarily crossed her face. He wanted to demand that she tell him what she knew, but he was so tired and so spent at that moment to argue. She seemed to sense it because she wrapped her arm around his shoulders and pulled him so that his head was resting on her shoulder.

"Let it go for right now so you can rest. We can talk about it in the morning."

She moved her hand up and down his back and talked softly to him. Hitsugaya started feeling drowsy; he blinked his eyes to keep himself awake, but her voice was soothing him.

"Go to sleep, Shiro-chan. I'll be here and won't let anything else happen to you, I promise."

With those last comforting words, he closed his eyes and succumbed to sleep.

* * *

Hinamori knew the moment he'd fallen asleep. She'd done this with him many times, back when they'd still been living with their grandmother in Junrinan when the bullies still picked on him and beat him up. He'd have nightmares, and she'd sit with him until he calmed down and then soothed him back to sleep. She'd put him back in his futon and stay up to watch him and make sure he didn't have any more.

Hinamori's eyes filled with tears at the memories. It had been a long time since he'd let himself be this vulnerable and open around her, and even longer since they'd sat together like this. While she'd been busy lusting after Aizen and making sure that she became exactly what he wanted her to be, Toushirou had been busy moving up the ranks and shutting himself out from everyone around him. With power comes responsibility, and he couldn't afford to be weak around those that already thought he was too young and immature to be a captain.

Toushirou's bony shoulder started digging into hers and she gently moved him so that he was lying fully on the bed. She arranged the covers around him and tucked him in, something she hadn't done in a very long time. She smiled at the sight as tears fell down her cheeks. She brushed his hair away from his face, noting the new scar on his forehead and the hollowness of his face.

Aizen… why did it always come down to him?

Hinamori had no doubt that the man Toushirou had described was Aizen, and it turned her stomach to think that her once kind captain had kidnapped and tortured her closest friend. Her captain… she still found herself torn on the subject. Logically, she knew that Aizen had betrayed them all, tried to kill her, Toushirou, and everyone else in Seireitei, but her heart told her something else. Seeing Toushirou the way he was now, however, overwrote those feelings of childish infatuation for her former captain that were still lingering. She could not, would not, forgive this.

She lay her head down on the bed beside Toushirou's arm and put her hand over his. She would help him this time. He had always been there for her, even after she'd been fooled into believing that he was a murderer and had attacked him with her sword. It was her turn to stand by him and support him in any way she could. She owed him that and so much more

Hinamori's eyes began to close and she slipped into sleep with the thought that it was her turn to be strong for him.

* * *

This should answer some of the questions regarding Hinamori's allegiance in this story. I'm torn about her as a character, but she is an important part of Hitsugaya's life (for better or worse). Feedback is always welcome.


	5. Blast from the Past

Greetings! Here is the next chapter. There's some bad language and a little bit of violence in this one.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 5: Blast from the Past**

Matsumoto Rangiku knocked softly on the door of the room her captain had stayed in overnight. When she got no response, she announced herself and opened the door to find both Hitsugaya and Hinamori still asleep. Hitsugaya was on the bed, covers strewn everywhere, on his side facing Hinamori. Hinamori was sitting on a chair with her arms and head resting on the bed. Matsumoto couldn't help a small smile at the sight, knowing the history of these two.

"Hinamori-fukutaichou," Matsumoto said softly as she shook the younger woman's shoulder. "Why don't you go lay down on your own bed?"

Hinamori's eyes fluttered open and she blinked owlishly at Matsumoto for a few moments before she realized who had wakened her. The woman straightened, rubbed her back and then glanced at Hitsugaya.

"He's asleep," she said. "Finally…"

"Was there a problem last night?" Matsumoto asked, concerned.

"He was having nightmares," Hinamori said. "He'd fall asleep for a little bit and then another nightmare would wake him up. He told me about a couple of them and I think he's remembering bits and pieces of what they did to him." Hinamori stopped and shuddered. "Some of the things he told me about are horrible."

"I know," Matsumoto said. "We arrested two of the men that kept him. They told us some pretty horrible things too."

"We need to talk, Matsumoto-fukutaichou. Can we meet with Ukitake-taichou and Kyouraku-taichou as well? There's something you all need to know."

"Of course. I'll arrange it."

Matsumoto led Hinamori out of Hitsugaya's room so that she could go to her own room and change. Once the 5th division vice-captain was back in uniform, Matsumoto led her to Kyouraku-taichou's office where she knew she'd find Ukitake-taichou as well.

"Ladies, we didn't expect to see you so early this fine morning," Kyouraku-taichou said as they were led into his office by Ise Nanao. He and Ukitake were seated on one of the couches. "I was just telling Ukitake about our excitement yesterday at your division."

"What excitement?" Matsumoto asked as she and Hinamori took their seats.

"I picked up your captain and we were on our way here, when he decided to go for a side trip into the 10th division."

"Did you tell him what the 10th division meant to him?" Matsumoto asked.

"No. He stopped in front of the gate, asked the guards if he could look around inside, and then we went in. He headed straight for his office."

Matsumoto chuckled. "Figures he'd go there. He spends more time in the office than in his room. What did he do in the office?"

"That's when things got a little strange," Kyouraku said. "He went up to his desk and looked out the window. I think he caught his reflection there, because he got this far away look on his face and his reiatsu spiked. I think he remembered something."

"He has reiatsu?" Hinamori asked. "I don't feel much of it from him."

"It's there, it's just not like it used to be. I can't explain it," Kyouraku said.

"I noticed the same thing when I talked to him," Ukitake added. "I don't think he knows it's there."

"He's starting to remember," Hinamori said. "I went into his room last night because I heard him screaming. He had woken up from a nightmare and was a little shaken up so I asked him to tell me about it. He was reluctant, but finally told me that his nightmare had been about being in a room with a man he calls 'the man with the syringe'. This man apparently injected him with some drug until he passed out. Hitsugaya-taichou said that he doesn't know the man with the syringe, but that the man said that Hitsugaya-taichou once knew him. So I asked for a description…"

Hinamori trailed off, and Matsumoto could see the lines of tension in the young woman's body. Hinamori took a deep breath to steady herself and then said, "the description matches that of Aizen Sousuke."

Even though everyone in the room had their suspicions about Aizen being involved, this was the first concrete evidence they had to prove it.

"Are you absolutely sure, Hinamori-fukutaichou?" Ukitake asked.

"Yes, sir. The description Hitsugaya-taichou gave, plus a few more details of what he heard while with this man, leads me to believe that it was Aizen that kidnapped and drugged Hitsugaya-taichou."

They were silent for a moment as each person took this information in. Matsumoto wanted to punch something, preferably the smug face of that traitor.

"Does Hitsugaya remember anything else about these injections Aizen was giving him?" Kyouraku asked.

"I don't think so," Hinamori replied. "Hitsugaya-taichou said that Aizen never told him what was in them or what they were for."

"Matsumoto-fukutaichou, as discussed, take Hitsugaya-kun to Unohana-taichou and have her talk to him about these injections. Maybe she can run some more detailed tests on him to see if the drugs left a lasting effect," Ukitake said.

"Yes, sir."

"Pardon me, sirs, but I think we should tell Hitsugaya-taichou."

"Tell him what, Hinamori-kun?" Kyouraku asked.

"We need to tell him everything we know: how he was taken, who took him, all of it."

"How would that help him, if he's already having a hard enough time with what he does remember?" Matsumoto asked.

"Hitsugaya-kun's analytical skills are better than most, we all know that. I have no doubt that he's trying to piece together what happened to him with the little information that he's getting from the nightmares," Hinamori explained. "He's the only one that knows what really happened in the last six months. Why don't we give him all of the information that we have and help him put it all together? Maybe it'll even bring back his memories in the process."

"It's risky," Kyouraku said. "We don't know what kind of damage we could be doing if we just give him the information without waiting for it come back naturally."

"With all due respect, sirs," Matsumoto interrupted, "I think Hinamori-fukutaichou is right. The damage has already been done. If anything, we're doing more damage by keeping Hitsugaya-taichou in the dark. He has a right to know what happened to him."

Kyouraku and Ukitake looked at one another, and then at the rest of them.

"I'll tell him," Matsumoto offered. "He's already going to be with me at the 10th division so it makes the most sense. If there are going to be any adverse reactions to the news, I'll see them first."

Ukitake and Kyouraku still seemed uncertain, but they nodded their agreement. Knowledge is power, after all, and her captain had always flourished with knowledge. Maybe this time he could solve the puzzle of his own disappearance.

* * *

"Why do we have to go see Unohana-taichou again?" Hitsugaya asked as he as Matsumoto walked to the 4th division.

"I told you already, she wanted to see how you were doing."

"But I've only been away from her for a day and a half. Not much has changed in that time."

Hitsugaya didn't like the idea that they were going back to the 4th division. He liked the captain there, but he didn't want to be prodded and examined again. He was tired from being unable to sleep much the night before and really didn't want to talk to anyone. Besides, he really wanted to find a library or some kind of place that stored records of Seireitei. Hinamori had known the man with the syringe and Hitsugaya had the nagging feeling that he was connected to the shinigami here. Hitsugaya just needed to find a photograph and a name.

"Green is a very good color on you," Matsumoto said.

Hitsugaya looked down at the kosode he was wearing. It was comfortable and it fit.

"It's new, isn't it?" he asked.

Matsumoto grinned happily. "It is! Your old clothes were too big on you so I went on a little shopping trip yesterday. Be glad I didn't make you go with me."

"Thank you," he said. "I hope you didn't spend too much on me," he added, remembering the stack of clothing she'd given him that morning when he'd finally woken up, sandals included.

Matsumoto chuckled. "Don't worry, I spent your money. You don't spend it on much anyway and it was about time you bought some new clothes. The old ones were beginning to look pretty worn."

Hitsugaya couldn't help a small smile at the happiness on Matsumoto's face. Like Hinamori, this woman seemed genuine and Hitsugaya liked seeing her smile.

Once they arrived at the 4th division, Isane-fukutaichou led them to the same room Hitsugaya had first woken up in. They were halfway there when a commotion in one of the other rooms caught their attention.

"Don't touch me, you creep!" a male voice came through the mostly closed door.

Hitsugaya froze. He knew that voice, but what was it doing here? Beside him, Matsumoto tensed and looked at the door, but didn't seem surprised.

"You know who he is, don't you?" Hitsugaya asked but she didn't hear him. Instead, her hand strayed to the hilt of her sword.

"I told you not to touch me!"

The door to the room slid open with a loud bang and a tall man exited, followed quickly by a shorter man. They stopped when they noticed Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, and Isane in front of the door.

Hitsugaya's blood drained from his face at the sight of the two men that had held him captive all that time. His fists clenched and, before he could register what he was doing, Hitsugaya grabbed the taller man's robe and punched him in the face, leaving the man in a heap on the floor with a bloody lip.

"You son of a bitch!" Hitsugaya yelled. "What are you doing here?"

Hitsugaya turned towards the shorter man, who was cowering by the door, and would have punched him, too, if Matsumoto hadn't grabbed him.

"Hitsugaya-taichou, this isn't the time for this," she said softly but sternly.

He shook free of her grasp and turned on her. "If not now, then when? You already know who these men are, don't you Matsumoto?"

She didn't answer, but the look in her eyes told him what he needed to know. What else did she know that she wasn't telling him? What had the men told her about what they'd done to him?

"What are they doing here?" Matsumoto asked the two nervous shinigami who were guarding the criminals. "They were supposed to be taken to the 12th division."

"I know, ma'am, but there was an altercation and they were injured," one of the shinigami said. "We thought we'd bring them here to get treatment first."

"This is how you treat _all_ of your guests, huh?" Hitsugaya said to Matsumoto, anger barely controlled. "Good to know I wasn't getting special treatment."

"Hey shorty," the man Hitsugaya had punched said as he got to his feet, nursing his split lip, "you clean up really well. You don't look so much like a lab rat after a shower and clean clothes."

Hitsugaya lunged to punch him again, but Matsumoto grabbed him from behind. Hitsugaya settled for glaring at the man, who was laughing at his own comment. The other man, the shorter one, also glared at Hitsugaya, but didn't say anything. Hitsugaya still remembered every bone these men had broken and wanted nothing more than to pay back the favor in kind. He struggled against Matsumoto's hold, but her grip was strong.

"Take them back to the cells," Matsumoto ordered. "They are not to leave under any circumstances, understood?"

"Yes, Matsumoto-fukutaichou," they said in unison and led the men down the corridor.

"See you later, shorty," the man Hitsugaya punched called back form the end of the hallway. "I hope you're sleeping better these days."

Hitsugaya clenched his jaw and tried to get his anger under control. He could feel his body getting hotter and it was beginning to feel like it did after he'd been given one of the injections. His body began to shake as the feeling got worse, panic slowly working its way through him. He pulled away from Matsumoto but only took two steps before paralyzing pain tore through him and he fell to his knees.

"Do you feel that?" Matsumoto said, but Hitsugaya didn't think she was talking to him.

"Reiatsu," Isane answered. "Hitsugaya-taichou's? It doesn't feel like it."

Hitsugaya tuned them out and concentrated on breathing through the pain. Sweat ran down his face and into his neck. He felt as if something was crawling on his skin, but when he lifted his sleeves there was nothing there. He looked for an injection site on his arms, anything to explain why he suddenly felt this way, but his arm was smooth and unmarred.

"What's happening, Hitsugaya-taichou?" Matsumoto asked. She'd kneeled in front of him and had put her hands on his cheeks. She looked scared, and Hitsugaya figured he looked about the same.

"It feels like when the man with the syringe injected me," Hitsugaya finally said. "There's something crawling all over me and it burns."

"That's your reiatsu," Matsumoto said. "We thought it was depleted, but it's just being blocked. It's not supposed to hurt you."

"It does," Hitsugaya said.

"Don't fight it, just let it wash over you. It's a part of you and was probably triggered by your anger," Matsumoto said.

Hitsugaya groaned as a particularly bad wave washed over him. "How do I do that when it feels as if it's trying to burst out of me?"

Matsumoto glanced at Isane. "Is there anything you can do?"

Isane didn't respond. Instead, Hitsugaya felt as if someone had touched a hot poker to his back. He yelled and moved away, right into Matsumoto. The sudden movement knocked them both off balance and they ended up on the floor. He was gasping.

"I was only trying a healing kidou," Isane said, her voice panicked.

Matsumoto positioned herself against the wall and then wrapped her arms around him so that his head rested on her shoulder.

"Close your eyes and picture a snow-covered plain surrounded by mountains," Matsumoto whispered in his ear and Hitsugaya only half heard her through the cacophony of sounds in his head. "The plain is empty except for you, and there's so much snow around that you can't see much of the landscape. That's okay, though, because you like snow. It's comforting and joyous."

Hitsugaya did as she instructed and he found himself standing on a snow-covered plain. There were mountains all around him, but the wind was blowing so hard that he could barely see the peaks. He was cold, but the cold didn't scare him. Instead, it felt familiar and welcoming.

The wind blew harder, and Hitsugaya thought he heard something in the wind. It was soft at first, but rose in intensity as the wind turned into a blizzard. The wind and snow tore at his clothes, but he kept his footing as he strained to listen.

"_I'm still here, Toushirou."_

Hitsugaya gasped as he heard the words, and the image of a gigantic dragon with bright, red eyes popped into his head.

"Who are you?" Hitsugaya called out. "Where are you?"

"_I'll be here when you're ready."_

The blizzard disappeared and Hitsugaya found himself on the floor of the 4th division still wrapped in Matsumoto's arms. He was no longer burning and his breathing had reverted back to normal.

"What was that place?" Hitsugaya asked as he pulled away from Matsumoto and got to his feet.

"What place?" Matsumoto asked as she also got to her feet. "What did you see?"

"I saw the plain like you said," Hitsugaya said, "but I also heard someone. He called me by my name."

"You heard someone?" Matsumoto asked, and the look of disbelief on her face almost kept Hitsugaya from saying anything further.

"Don't act like I'm crazy, Matsumoto, you're the one that told me to go to that place."

Matsumoto shook her head. "I don't think you're crazy at all, I'm just surprised that you were able to hear him in your current state."

"Him?"

Matsumoto sighed. "Do you feel anything when you're around me?"

Hitsugaya's eyes widened and his cheeks got a bit warm. "What kind of a question is that?"

"I don't mean it like that, you pervert," she said, her face losing its worry for a moment. "Right now, do you feel or smell anything particular about me."

Hitsugaya thought about it for a moment and concentrated. He was standing right next to her and he felt a warm aura around her. He also smelled a bit of ash.

"Ash," he said. "I smell ash around you, but there's nothing burning."

Matsumoto took her weapon out of the belt around her waist and held it up so that he could see it. "This is Haineko. It's my zanpakutou, my spirit partner. Every shinigami has one and we communicate with them through an inner world of our own choosing."

Hitsugaya looked at the long weapon as Matsumoto unsheathed it. It looked like a regular sword, albeit a very deadly one.

"You have a zanpakutou as well. Yours is elemental, of the snow and ice family. When you were helping me better communicate with Haineko you described your inner world to me. I thought that having you picture it would help calm your reiatsu, but I'm glad that it put you in contact with your zanpakutou."

"Where is it, the physical sword?" Hitsugaya asked.

"I don't know," she said. "It was taken when you were, but you didn't have it on you when I found you."

Hitsugaya pondered what he'd just been told and what he'd felt when he'd stood in the middle of that blizzard. It had felt right, comforting, nothing like the pain it usually brought.

"Wait, so you're saying that the crawling and burning I was feeling is my reiatsu? Didn't you say it was supposed to be cold?"

"Your reiatsu doesn't feel like it used to right now. We need to go see Unohana-taichou so she can examine you further and see if maybe she can find a reason."

The last thing he wanted was more prodding, but he went along with Matsumoto because he was also curious about this phenomena.

* * *

"Hinamori told us about the man with the syringe," Matsumoto told Hitsugaya as they waited for Unohana to arrive. "I think you should tell Unohana-taichou about it."

Hitsugaya turned to her, angry. "She shouldn't have told you about that," he said. "That was private."

"It might help explain what happened to you," Matsumoto said. "If you can help Unohana-taichou figure out what was in the injections, we might be able to figure out why your reiatsu is the way it is."

"I don't want to talk about it," he said and crossed his arms over his chest.

"You're being unreasonable," Matsumoto said. "This is for your own good."

"Is that why you didn't tell me about those thugs, for my own good?" Hitsugaya countered, angry. The betrayal in his eyes was as bad as if he'd struck her.

"We just brought them in," Matsumoto said. "I would have told you eventually."

He remained quiet, but the twisting of his hands on his clothes told her that he was still thinking about it. "What did they tell you?" he finally asked.

Matsumoto thought back to what the men had said, the things they'd done to her captain, and the anger returned. When she looked at Hitsugaya's slumped shoulders and his refusal to look at her, a horrible thought went through her head. She got out of the chair and kneeled in front of him. He raised his head, confusion on his face at her sudden move.

"What they did to you was horrific," Matsumoto said, "and you are not to blame for it."

Hitsugaya's eyes widened, telling her that she'd guessed correctly. He looked away, but she remained where she was.

"They are sadistic animals," she said. "You were drugged, malnourished, and unable to escape. That doesn't mean that what they did to you is your fault."

"I was a captain," he said after a long pause. "That means being on par with people like Ukitake and Kyouraku, doesn't it? Would they have let themselves get kidnapped and drugged?"

"Don't compare yourself to them, Hitsugaya-taichou. You don't know what went on when you were taken. You can't tell yourself that you could have stopped it because you don't know what happened. If you're going to blame someone, blame me. It's my job as your vice-captain to protect you, and I failed miserably at it."

"I don't want to blame you," he said.

"Why do you want to blame yourself, then?"

Hitsugaya didn't have an answer for that and Matsumoto didn't get a chance to probe further because Unohana-taichou arrived.

"It's good to see you again, Hitsugaya-taichou," the woman said as she came into the room. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," Hitsugaya said. "I don't need to be here."

"We had a bit of an incident out in the hallway and were hoping you can help us figure out what happened," Matsumoto said, and recounted the run in with the two prisoners. "Hitsugaya-taichou's reiatsu got a little out of control, but he says that it hurts him when it does."

"Is that so," Unohana said and motioned for Hitsugaya to come sit on the bed where she could examine him. She tried to use kidou to see if she could tell anything, but Hitsugaya moved away.

"The other healer used one of those and it hurt," Hitsugaya said.

"Was that when you were agitated?" Unohana asked.

"Yes."

"I don't think it'll hurt now. I'll go slow and, if it starts bothering you, I'll stop."

Hitsugaya nodded and Unohana continued. He flinched as she touched him, but didn't pull away again.

"How is that?" Unohana asked.

"It's fine," he said.

"I don't feel anything out of place right now and I don't feel much of the reiatsu either. You said it happened when he was upset?" Unohana asked Matsumoto.

"Yes, he was angry."

Unohana finished the exam and looked at Hitsugaya, a thoughtful look on her face. "Hitsugaya-taichou, I'd like to try something. It may make you a little uncomfortable, but it may also help me see what's going on."

"What is it?" he asked, curious.

Instead of answering, Unohana flared her reiatsu. The effect was immediate. Hitsugaya gasped and wrapped his arms around his chest.

"What are you feeling?" Unohana asked.

"Like something is crawling on my skin. It's not painful, just uncomfortable."

"Let me try something else," Unohana said and flared her reiatsu again, this time with more intensity. Hitsugaya again wrapped his arms around himself and leaned forward a bit, his face slightly flushed.

"That was painful," Hitsugaya said when Unohana lowed her reiatsu.

"I'm sorry about that. I think your reiatsu is reacting to mine," Unohana said. "Does this happen around anyone else?"

"I've felt it around the other captains," Hitsugaya said, "but not around Matsumoto or Hinamori."

"Your subconscious probably considers them 'safe' so your reiatsu doesn't react to theirs," Unohana explained. "If you're up to it, I'd like to try that again, but this time see if I can tell what's causing the reaction. What do you say?"

Hitsugaya thought about it for a moment before nodding.

Matsumoto smiled at the determination on his face. Leave it to him to accept a challenge head on, even if it caused some discomfort and pain.

* * *

Next up: Matsumoto has some explaining to do.


	6. Encounters

Greetings!

Sorry for the posting delay. Life got in the way and then I got sick. I'm currently under the influence of cold medication so I hope this all makes sense.

I had previously written this story up to a certain point, but when I went back to read it I ended up changing things and adding scenes, so the previous chapter breaks no longer make sense, leading to some chapters being a bit short (like this one) or too long. Please bear with me as I get it straightened out.

Warnings: some violence, some language.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 6: Encounters**

Matsumoto made her way to the 10th division with Hitsugaya in tow. They'd spent three hours with Unohana, but the healer had not been able to determine the cause for the reaction Hitsugaya was having to her reiatsu. Unohana had taken some blood and tissue samples and said that she'd run some tests and get back to them. Hitsugaya was exhausted after the ordeal and she wanted to take him home so he could sleep in his own bed. He'd been quiet every since they left the 4th division, and Matsumoto hadn't wanted to pry into whatever was going on in his head.

"When you interrogated those men, did they give you any clues as to where I was taken when I wasn't with them?"

Matsumoto wasn't surprised that he brought up the topic again. He wasn't one to let things go, especially when he saw it as information he needed. "They described the man that would come for you and told us that you'd be gone for weeks at a time. They didn't know any more than that."

"Do you know the man they described?"

"No, the description didn't sound familiar."

"Hinamori-fukutaichou knows the man with the syringe," Hitsugaya said.

Matsumoto came to a stop and turned to him, surprised.

"I knew it!" Hitsugaya exclaimed. "You know him too. All of you people here do. Why aren't you telling me anything? I have a right to know who kidnapped me!"

Matsumoto sighed. She shouldn't be surprised that he'd managed to figure this much out, considering Hitsugaya's gift for problem solving.

"I will tell you everything I know, but let's first go somewhere a little more private," Matsumoto said, gesturing to the other shinigami around them, some of which had stopped to see why the 10th division captain and vice-captain were arguing.

Matsumoto resumed her walk and Hitsugaya reluctantly followed. They were standing in front of their division when Hitsugaya spoke again.

"What are we doing here?" he asked.

"We're home," she said and led the way inside.

She hadn't informed the other members of their division about Hitsugaya coming home because she didn't want to shock him, especially not with what she still had to talk to him about. It was late enough in the afternoon that most division members should be out on patrol or training, and hopefully Matsumoto could discourage any of the ones they did run into from approaching them. They got lucky and managed to make it all the way to Hitsugaya's quarters without anyone noticing them.

"These are your quarters," she said. She unlocked the door and motioned for Hitsugaya to enter before her. He stopped in the center of the living area and looked around.

Matsumoto watched as his eyes travelled around the room, looking for any hint of recognition in them. Hitsugaya's gaze moved from object to object, until settling on the wall furthest from them. He walked to it and laid his hand on it.

"There was something here," he said. "This was damaged."

"A mirror," Matsumoto said. "It was broken the night you were taken."

There was nothing on the wall that attested to it having had something on it before or that suggested that the wall had nearly been destroyed, which sparked a little bit of hope in Matsumoto. She had personally overseen the restoration of this room. The furniture had been replaced, the floors cleaned, and every bit of blood had been removed. She came in from time to time and dusted, because she hadn't wanted Hitsugaya to come home to a dirty room. The only things she hadn't been able to replace were the mirror and the books that had been destroyed that night.

"The place looks boring," he said, a bit of a smirk on his face. "I must not have been much of an entertainer."

Matsumoto chuckled. "You are very private and very few people cone in here. If you had to meet with anyone, you'd do it in your office."

Hitsugaya made his way over to the kitchen and started opening up cabinets.

"What are you looking for?" Matsumoto asked.

"Tea. I'm sure I kept some here somewhere."

"Of course," she said and went over to the right cabinet. "I'll make us some."

"No," Hitsugaya said. "Let me. You can be my first guest."

He went about preparing the tea while Matsumoto waited on the couch. She'd only been in Hitsugaya's quarters a handful of times before his kidnapping, and usually it was because he was sick, recovering from an injury, or he had something important to plan that he couldn't risk having overheard in his office. She had wished, from time to time, that she'd get to visit him here on a social occasion, but had never imagined that it would be under these circumstances.

When he was finished with the tea he brought it over and set it on the low table. He handed her a cup and then took the other for himself. He took a sip and regarded her with that piercing, green gaze. She felt slightly uncomfortable as she sipped her own tea. One thing most people didn't understand about Hitsugaya was that, while he could be very dismissive, he would give you his undivided attention to the exclusion of everything else when he wanted to.

"What's wrong?" she asked when he continued to stare at her.

"Just curious," he said. "Hinamori told me that she and I grew up together, but you've never told me how we met."

Matsumoto couldn't help but smile at the memory. "You ran into my girls," she said, and then pointed at her chest when he seemed confused. He blushed. "You were very young and were being insulted by a candy vendor. I chewed him out and then I told you to man up and say what was on your mind. You didn't take it well."

Hitsugaya looked amused. "We became friends even after that?"

"Well, that happened before you became a shinigami. When you joined the academy, I became your unofficial tutor and you joined this division after graduation. We've worked together ever since, and I like to think that we're friends. We've been through a lot of nastiness together in our line of work and we're still here. We'll survive this one too."

"How long have I been captain? I look a little young for the job when compared to some of the other captains."

"What did I tell you about the comparisons?" Matsumoto chided and Hitsugaya actually smiled. "You've not been a captain for very long, only a couple of decades. There were some extenuating circumstances with our previous captain and you took the job sooner than anyone expected."

They lapsed into silence in which each sipped their tea. Matsumoto watched Hitsugaya take in what he'd been told, the frown on his face deepening.

"So, are you going to tell me what you've been keeping from me?" he asked.

Matsumoto nodded and, true to her word, told him everything she knew: she told him about Aizen and his betrayal, Aizen's connection to Hinamori, what happened the night Hitsugaya was kidnapped, and what the men from the district had said during questioning about the horrors they'd put Hitsugaya through. When she was done, Hitsugaya had drawn his knees up to his chest and had wrapped his arms around his legs. The tea had been left forgotten in the face of so many revelations.

"He was Hinamori's captain," Hitsugaya said after a long silence. "He used her, he used me… he used all of us."

"He's still using us," Matsumoto said. "He took you for a reason and he returned you for a reason. We need to figure out what that is."

Hitsugaya looked at her, and the helplessness in his eyes made her breath catch in her throat.

"I don't know anything more than I've already told you," he said. "I've tried to think about it logically, analytically, but it all gets jumbled up in the fear and the pain. Aizen didn't talk to me very much, except to tell me that I had incredible power and that I was nothing without it. Maybe that's what this is about. I don't have my power anymore."

"Wait, he said that to you? Under what context?"

"Once, while he was injecting me," Hitsugaya said, his eyes narrowing as he recalled the incident. "He'd already injected me a couple of times and I felt like I was burning."

"What we now know is your reiatsu spiking," Matsumoto interrupted.

"Right… so as he injected me, the reiatsu got worse and he would laugh and say that I had so much power and that what he was doing wouldn't have worked with anyone else. Does that make sense to you?"

Matsumoto's heart was racing.

"I read about a procedure once, done long ago, where a shinigami's reiatsu was made to spike out of control and then forcefully suppressed with a seal," she explained. "It was a way to control criminals with high reiatsu so that they wouldn't become dangers to themselves or their fellow inmates. Maybe Aizen was working on a way to do it with drugs instead of a seal. The change in your reiatsu, the fact that you can't access it at will and, when you do, it's painful, point in that direction."

"How do we find out if that's the case with me?" he asked.

"Unohana-taichou has already examined you and she didn't find anything, but maybe she will if she knows what she's looking for."

Matsumoto got up and Hitsugaya followed.

"I'm going to the library to find the right reference so I can take it to Unohana," she said.

"I'll go with you," Hitsugaya said.

"You should stay here," Matsumoto said. "You look tired, haven't eaten anything all day, and there's not much you can do right now. If I'm right, Unohana-taichou is going to need to have you in the 4th division for a while. You'll need your strength then."

Hitsugaya wasn't convinced, but he thankfully didn't argue.

"I'll stop by the kitchen and have them send you something light. Promise me you'll eat it."

"Fine," he said in a tone that reminded Matsumoto of a surly teenager.

"I'll be back as soon as we have something. I won't keep anything from you anymore, I promise," she said and left the room, glad that, for the first time since she'd found Hitsugaya, she had a plan.

* * *

Once Matsumoto had gone, Hitsugaya picked up the used cups and took them back to the small kitchen. When he was done cleaning and putting them away, he went over to the bookcases that lined the side of the living area. There were a lot of books there, of many different topics, from martial arts and swordsmanship to history and even some that looked like fiction. Some shelves looked half empty, like the books had been taken and never returned, which seemed odd to him. If he were such a lover of books, why would he loan them out? Shrugging, he left the books and moved on to the shelf that held photographs. There was one of himself and Matsumoto, both wearing the black shihakusho of the shinigami, standing beside an older, taller man wearing the white captain's haori.

"This must be the previous captain," Hitsugaya said as he studied the photograph.

Hitsugaya himself looked like a little kid, barely old enough to be a shinigami, much less own the deadly looking sword that was strapped to his back. Next to that was a photograph of himself, Hinamori-fukutaichou and an old woman. The woman had her arms around both of them and all three were smiling. Hitsugaya couldn't help but smile at the picture, because they all looked so happy in it. Next to that was a photograph of what had to be the entire division: Hitsugaya and Matsumoto standing proudly at the front. Hitsugaya looked at himself in the photograph, still young but with a confidence and self-assurance that he didn't think he'd ever regain.

"_The mind will do anything to protect itself"_

The man's words from his dream popped into Hitsugaya's head and he looked at himself in the photograph once again. His mind had decided to forget everything in order to survive. Now that he was a mere shadow of the person he'd been, even if he got his memories back, would he ever go back to being the person he'd been in the photograph?

He stepped away from the photographs and looked around the room, the bright walls and comfortable furniture no longer appealing. The person that had called this place home no longer existed. Hitsugaya could pretend all he wanted, even with the bits and pieces of memories he was getting back, but he wasn't Hitsugaya Toushirou, captain of the 10th division, anymore. Instead, he was Hitsugaya Toushirou, lost and confused outsider who was desperately trying not to drown in the sea of new memories and new information that he had no reference for anymore.

He leaned against the wall and then slid down it, bringing his knees up to his chest. His eyes burned with unshed tears and he felt weak and powerless. He wanted to help solve this mystery, but he didn't know what else to do. He couldn't remember anything else.

A knock on the door startled him and he got to his feet. He looked around for another way out and had just spotted the sliding door to the garden when the knock came again.

"Hitsugaya-taichou, I'm delivering your dinner," a male voice said.

Hitsugaya vaguely remembered Matsumoto saying something about dinner. He took a deep breath to calm his racing heart, chiding himself for being so on edge, and opened the door. A shinigami with brown hair and eyes and a bright smile greeted him.

"Where would you like this, sir?" he asked and held out a covered tray.

"I'll take it, thank you," Hitsugaya said and took the tray from him.

"Is there anything else I can get for you?" he asked.

"No, that's all."

The man nodded. "Have a good night, Hitsugaya-taichou," he said, bowed, and then closed the door behind him.

Hitsugaya took the tray to the table and uncovered it. He found some soup and rice balls. His stomach growled as the smells reached him, and Hitsugaya realized he hadn't had anything to eat all day. He sat down and started with the soup. He was halfway through it when a feeling of déjà vu washed over him. He set the soup bowl down and threw himself to the side, expecting a sword to come whizzing by his head. When nothing happened, Hitsugaya stood up and looked around the empty room.

"What the hell was that?" he asked himself.

His skin was burning and his heart was pounding. A shadow outside caught Hitsugaya's attention and he went to the door to the garden and slid it open. He stepped out into the cool night and looked around. Movement to his left made him turn and, for a split second, he saw the shape of a man. As the man crossed into the light from the living room, Hitsugaya saw the face of the man with the syringe, the man he now knew as Aizen Sousuke. He froze. Their eyes met for a heartbeat, and then Aizen was gone.

Hitsugaya stood frozen in fear, unable to move back into the safety of his quarters. He stared at the spot where Aizen had disappeared, his breath coming in short gasps.

_Snap out of it, Toushirou! Move!_

The voice in his head was followed by a wave of soothing calm and Hitsugaya snapped out of his paralysis. He went back inside, shut the door and locked it. He went to the front door and made sure that it was locked as well. A thought suddenly occurred to him: Aizen had kidnapped him from his quarters the first time, so he wasn't really safe here. But where could he go?

_Find Matsumoto,_ the voice in his head said.

Hitsugaya was a little freaked out by the fact that someone was speaking to him inside his head, but the calm and strength he felt from the presence gave him reason to trust it. Hitsugaya left his quarters and stumbled around the 10th division, lost until he ran into a couple of shinigami.

"Where is the Seireitei library?" he asked, trying but failing to keep his voice calm.

The shinigami looked at him strangely before one of them gave him directions.

"Is there something wrong, Hitsugaya-taichou? Do you need help?"

He shook his head, thanked them, and made his way out of the complex. He followed the directions he'd been given, almost running down the streets in his haste to get to the library. He crossed the street into the library complex and had just entered a tree-lined path when he was grabbed from behind. A hand clamped over his mouth while another snaked across his chest. He was pulled backwards into someone. Hitsugaya kicked and tried to pull the hand away from his mouth, but whoever had him was a lot stronger than he was. He was picked up and dragged backward into the trees.

"Is this anyway to treat an old friend, Toushirou?" Aizen whispered in his ear.

The voice sent shivers down Hitsugaya's body and he fought harder against the hold. His feet managed to hit Aizen several times, but it did nothing to loosen the hold.

"Feisty as always," Aizen said. "Frankly, Toushirou, this little act of yours is taking a little too long for my liking. I can't afford to waste any more time and you need to regain your memories. I want you to be yourself when I destroy you and those around you."

The hand left his mouth, but before Hitsugaya could even draw enough breath to yell for help, pain exploded in his head. He gasped and fell to the ground as Aizen let go of him. He laid there, his head feeling as if it was going to burst open. Aizen kneeled down next to him and brushed hair out of his face.

"We'll see each other again very soon."

Hitsugaya could do nothing as Aizen walked away. He tried to get up, but couldn't manage to stay on his feet for very long. He tried to yell for help, but his voice wouldn't obey him. Through it all, Hitsugaya could feel the presence in his mind raging, angry at what was being done to him. Eventually, Hitsugaya lost even that connection. He had nothing but the darkness of the night and the darkness of unconsciousness as it finally claimed him.

* * *

Surprise! Next up… well, I'll let you wonder about that for a bit.


End file.
